


The World is Wide

by photographer_of_thoughts



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Child Abuse, F/F, First Kiss, First Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Frottage, Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Secret Relationship, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2019-08-03 12:41:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 36,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16326443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/photographer_of_thoughts/pseuds/photographer_of_thoughts
Summary: “Can we meet sometimes like this? When I’m finished school?” Gilbert asked.Cole's eyes were wide as he stuttered, “Yeah, Gilbert. Of course. I’d...I'd like that.”AU in which Gilbert makes it his mission to get closer to Cole, not quite understanding why he's so drawn to him. The more time they spend together though, the more obvious Gilbert's feelings become.





	1. Cruel

**Author's Note:**

> 'Anne with an E' has me so weak. It's such a beautiful show, for so many reasons. I was thinking of writing something for a long time, but couldn't quite form the story until recently. Not sure how long it will be, as I am still writing it, but I'm definitely excited to explore the AU relationship of Cole/Gilbert. 
> 
> This story begins right after Gilbert comes home from traveling with Bash, so a few episodes into season 2. I'm kind of unsure as to how old Gilbert and Cole are supposed to be but in my head they're about 13-14. Their ages will progress as the story goes on. My fic may not follow the exact storyline of the show, but the same kind of canon events happen.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

“Cole?”

 

The blonde haired boy flinched, bringing his hands away from the cold clay. The voice was familiar but male – not Diana or Anne. Nobody he was expecting to hear. It had only been him and the girls to come into the abandoned cottage, small enough to be a shed.

 

“Um,” Cole said inarticulately, wondering why on Earth Gilbert was here. Was he looking for Anne? Diana? That made more sense. “They’re not here right now.”

 

Gilbert chuckled as he poked his head inside, flashing a smile as he saw Cole. “Who are ‘they’?”

 

“Diana and Anne. I’m just here...by myself.” Cole muttered, feeling his cheeks flush with heat. Gilbert must think him completely mad, skipping school to sit in a cold, run down hut all day making sculptures that weren’t even any good.

 

Gilbert glanced around at the drying forms scattered on the floor, an unreadable expression across his smooth face. Cole was mesmerized for a second, taking in the sight of Gilbert – wishing he could fathom what he was thinking.

 

“I wasn’t looking for them, actually. I was looking for you.” Gilbert said, motioning to the stool Anne always sat on, a question in his eyes.

 

“Of course. Um, sit.” Cole rushed to say, feeling even more stupid now. He sounded like he had just commanded a dog.

 

Gilbert let out a long sigh as he did, putting his school bag and books on the snowy ground. The fire was crackling softly, heating the room as much as possible. The glassless windows didn’t help to keep all the biting cold out, but it was cosy enough. It always helped when there was more than one body in the space.

 

“Why were you looking for me?” Cole asked, averting his eyes. His hands twitched to keep working, the need to occupy himself overwhelming. He hated talking to people – especially other boys. He could usually imagine what they thought of him, something along the lines of what Billy Andrews always poked fun at.

 

He was different. He was too quiet. Weird. Not right.

 

“I just...wanted to see how you’re doing. You haven’t come back to school.” Gilbert said quietly, and when Cole looked up Gilbert was looking right at him, sympathy in his large brown eyes.

 

Cole’s heart softened a little and he smiled, remembering that Gilbert wasn’t Billy. Gilbert was kind – also different from the other boys. He was genuine.

 

“I’m okay,” Cole answered, really enjoying how Gilbert was looking at him. “Did Anne tell you I was here?”

 

“Maybe,” Gilbert teased, knocking their knees together. “Is this what you’ve been doing all day? Making art?”

 

Cole blushed again. _Yes,_ he thought. _It’s much better than feeling like an outcast in the place I’m supposed to be learning. It’s better than constantly being teased._

 

“They’re beautiful,” Gilbert continued, probably sensing Cole’s hesitation. 

 

“No. I don’t even know what I’m doing.” 

 

“That doesn’t matter. They’re still wonderful.” 

 

Cole didn’t know what to do with all this affection. He didn’t know what to say. Anne was one of the first people to show him care, to acknowledge his uniqueness without making fun of him. He had sort of wished he could love her. It would have been easy if he liked girls. He probably would have been head-over-heels for her, could picture their wedding and life. 

 

But it wasn’t that simple. Nothing in his life was. 

 

If it were easy, he wouldn’t feel so flustered right now. He wouldn’t be lost for words around Gilbert – a boy – who he couldn’t take his eyes off of. He wouldn’t have spent his whole day with his hands in wet clay, trying to capture a body’s movements. He would have been at school, making jokes with the other boys. Not staring at their mouths and wondering…

 

“Cole?” Gilbert asked, putting his hand on Cole’s shoulder and shaking him a little. “You still in there?” 

 

Cole swallowed thickly, trying to snap out of it. “Yeah. Yes. Sorry. I’m a little tired.” 

 

“Time to head home, then?” 

 

“Probably. My parents will be expecting me.” Cole said, his chest hurting a little with the thought of tomorrow. Saturday was his day to spend helping on the farm, lugging hay and tending to the fields with his father. He hated every second of it. 

 

“Do they know you’re not in school?” Gilbert asked as he stood up, waiting for Cole to gather the rest of his things – books and his chalkboard so his parents didn’t worry. 

 

“No. I can’t...explain it to them.” 

 

“Can you explain it to me?” 

 

When Cole turned back around, Gilbert was closer than he’d been before. There was hardly enough space for both boys to stand comfortably, considering their height, and the room wasn’t exactly meant for people to be standing in. They ended up being so close that their noses touched briefly, and Cole nearly lost his balance.  Gilbert gripped his forearms to keep him upright but that just brought their chests together. 

 

Cole didn’t breath. 

 

“You’re okay.” Gilbert whispered, smiling again – his lips shyer now. Hesitant. Cole knew this because he was staring at them, unable to help himself. 

 

“Okay.” Cole managed to whisper, realizing that they were _still_ close, chests still touching and Gilbert hadn’t relinquished his hold. 

 

“Why are you hiding away in here, Cole?” Gilbert asked, moving slightly away so they weren’t sharing the same air but still holding onto Cole. The grip was comforting, steady. Cole didn’t want him to let go. 

 

“I...I don’t want to be at school any more.” He admitted, hating how weak he sounded. His father would have scoffed, told him to man up. If he knew how much time Cole had missed, how Cole could have been at home on the farm, Cole’s backside would be black and blue. 

 

“But _why?”_ Gilbert asked, a plea. His moved his hands away from Cole’s arms and instead brought his right hand up to cup Cole’s cheek. 

 

Cole flinched and sucked in a breath as if the touch would hurt. But it didn’t. 

 

“I’m...different. Nobody wants me there. Mr. Phillips treats me like...” 

 

“He’s idiotic. And cruel to everyone.” 

 

“He’s crueller to _me_.” Cole whispered, shrinking away from Gilbert’s hand; the soft touch. It was because he enjoyed that touch and wanted more of it that Mr. Phillips treated him like that. Mr. Phillips _knew._

 

Cole brushed past Gilbert and put some dirt on the fire, smothering it. Smoke quickly filled the small shed, forcing the two boys out and into the cold winter afternoon, birds chirping overhead on bare branches.

 

Gilbert began walking next to Cole, saying nothing. Cole could still feel the touch on his face, the skin warm despite the frigid weather around them. What did it mean? Did it mean anything at all?

 

“Can we meet sometimes like this? When I’m finished school?” Gilbert asked, stopping abruptly and looking at Cole. They would be heading off in different directions soon, separate paths through the dense woods taking them home.

 

The idea of it made tears rush to Cole’s eyes. He wished he could live in that shed, surrounded by his art – without the responsibility of a life chosen for him looming above his head, enforced by his parents’ angry faces.

 

He just wanted some peace.

 

“What’s wrong? Have I upset you?” Gilbert asked, once again reaching for Cole – pulling him into a hug this time and not letting go. The embrace lingered and Cole let his tears fall onto Gilbert’s coat, putting his weight against the other boy.

 

“No. Everything else upsets me, Gilbert.” Cole explained, wiping away some of the tears and standing up straight. He was taller than Gilbert – taller than many of the boys, and Gilbert had to tilt his head up to meet Cole’s eyes. It made him smile.

 

“What are you smiling at, you big goof?” Gilbert asked, playfully hitting Cole on his arm – looking happy at the change of mood.

 

“You,” Cole said seriously now. “I’m smiling at you. Because you’re kind.”

 

“You’re kind, too. Much nicer than anyone else at school, besides Anne of course.” Gilbert said, continuing walking. They were nearly at their different paths and both of them seemed to sense their time was almost up.

 

“Do you...like Anne?” Cole asked, unsure as to why the thought made him sad, uneasy.

 

_Jealous._

 

Gilbert chuckled but shook his head. “Everyone seems to think that. I _do_ like Anne, but as a friend. She’s my friend.”

 

“She’s a good friend. She comes to the shed sometimes to write. You’re welcome to join us.” Cole said, preparing to walk back home to the farm. He was about to say goodbye but Gilbert interrupted him.

 

“That would be nice too, but Cole...Can _we_ just hang out some days? Like this? Without Anne?”

 

Gilbert looked unsure, as if he had said too much – expressed something he didn’t mean to. Cole studied him a long second, recognizing the look on Gilbert’s face. He’d seen it enough times in the mirror.

 

Longing.

 

“Yeah, Gilbert. Of course. I’d...I’d like that.”

 

Gilbert’s face lit up like the sun had just appeared and he shrugged his bag up his shoulder, securing it. “Okay. Have a good weekend, Cole.”

 

“You too.”

 

Gilbert turned and headed off, whistling as he went. His good mood was infectious and Cole walked home faster than normal, finding himself smiling the whole way.


	2. An Offer

It was ten minutes before school started and Gilbert was biting on his bottom lip, desperately trying to avoid smashing Billy’s face in. He dug his fingers into the wooden grooves of his desk, trying to breathe evenly. Billy was once again going on about how ugly Anne was, that a pathetic red-headed orphan would never marry; never have a future. Especially with her hair chopped off she was even less attractive. And everyone could hear what he said, even Mr. Phillips who was either really deaf or just didn’t care how cruel Billy was being. The girls had made a protective circle around Anne who was trying to look unbothered, but Gilbert could see how she was faking her smiles; the usual strength she held in her presence dwindling.

It was infuriating.

Anne was ten times smarter than Billy. Ten times kinder. Gilbert knew Anne would go far. He could see it plain as day. Billy was the one without a future. He would wind up in a loveless marriage; his wife probably regretting marrying him two days after they said ‘I do.’

“How about you just put a sock in it, Billy?” Gilbert interrupted, sick of listening to Billy’s followers chuckle after everything he said. It was getting old.

Billy turned his attention towards Gilbert, a smug look on his face.

“Yeah? Is she promised to you then, Gilbert? You pity her that much?” Billy smirked, the boys sitting around him cackling like they’d never heard anything funnier.

They reminded Gilbert of sheep in a field, making random sounds for no reason.

“I pity  _ you,  _ actually. You’re throwing out words like ‘unattractive’, ‘pity’ and ‘pathetic’ but I bet you can’t even spell them.” Gilbert quipped, relishing how many people giggled at what he’d just said - girls  _ and  _ boys. 

Billy’s smirk morphed into a frown and before Gilbert could blink, Billy was up from his seat and standing in front of Gilbert.

“Are you telling me I’m stupid?”

Gilbert leaned back so he could look up into Billy’s face, raising his eyebrows.

“No. Just implying that you should  _ think  _ before you  _ speak.  _ Something you’re not great at doing.”

“All right, all right. Settle down you two. Mr. Andrews take your seat.” Mr. Phillips interrupted, rolling his eyes. He stood in front of the class now, squaring his shoulders.

Billy walked back sullenly and Gilbert glanced over at Anne. Her cheeks were flushed but she smiled back, nodding her head at him. He took that as meaning ‘thank you.’

**

“You did all that, and you’re telling me you aren’t sweet on this girl?” Bash exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. His eyes were wide as he stared at Gilbert from across the kitchen table, a candle glowing between them.

“We’re just  _ friends.  _ You’d defend me if someone was saying rude things about me, wouldn’t you? It’s the same with me and Anne.” Gilbert sighed, getting tired of defending his feelings. He really didn’t fancy Anne that way.

He admired her, that’s for sure. He had been intrigued by her from day one. She was smart and different from all the other girls. Worldly.

She didn’t hold back, wasn’t as cautious around boys as the other girls were. She said how she felt without remorse, without hesitating.

“Uh-huh,” Bash said doubtfully, shaking his head.

“Maybe I should like her that way, but I don’t.” Gilbert muttered, not exactly knowing what he meant by that.

Bash frowned his way but didn’t push the matter, deciding instead to focus on his dinner – one he had spent time making all afternoon. Gilbert liked coming home to a warm house again; exchanging stories about how their days went, laughing at jokes and playing games. Now that he and Bash had sorted things out – had become partners on Gilbert’s father’s farm – they moved easier around each other. They’d found a sort of peace throughout their days and it had become a comfort to Gilbert. They took turns making meals for each other, divided up cleaning. Bash was like the brother Gilbert never had. 

“This Billy Andrews sounds like he needs a swift kick to the behind,” Bash said, winking as he took a second helping of potatoes.

Gilbert laughed so hard he nearly choked on his chicken.

**

“Hey,” Gilbert smiled, coming into the shed Cole had made his new classroom. He had brought some left over scones in a basket, the result of Bash’s boredom from the day before. He wanted to drop them off before he went to school.

“Oh, hi.” Cole said, returning the smile. His hands weren’t covered in clay just yet. It seemed like he had just got here too, the fire barely started. “What’s that?”

“Some scones to keep you going.” Gilbert said, handing them over. He had to admit they smelled delicious, the scent of raisin and sugar wafting in the cool air.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Cole said, reaching for one anyway.

“I know. But I thought of you this morning and we have about a hundred extras. Bash gets frustrated with farming some days and goes inside to bake.”

Cole snorted, taking a bite and nodding in satisfaction.

“How’s school been?”

Gilbert sighed, shaking his head. “Billy is still a bully. He’s made it his mission to say anything and everything mean to Anne all day long.”

Cole frowned at that and stared at Gilbert seriously. “I hate him. He doesn’t have a right to do that. Maybe because I’m gone he’s putting all his effort into tormenting Anne. She doesn’t deserve that.”

“You didn’t deserve it either.”

 

“She deserves it even less.” 

 

Cole’s face had darkened and it made Gilbert’s heart sink. He didn’t come here to see Cole look unhappy. He wanted to do the exact opposite. 

 

“I promise I’ll keep an eye on Billy. I won’t let his teasing go too far.” 

 

“Okay. Thanks Gilbert.” 

 

“No problem. Do you want to come over for dinner sometime?” 

 

_ Wait.  _

 

Gilbert hadn’t actually meant to say that outloud. It was just something he had been thinking about the night before and it was still stuck in his mind. He had gotten up to get some water and had this sudden image of having Cole over, sitting at the table with him and Bash. He’d been grinning like a fool, standing in the kitchen shaking from the cold. 

 

The thought was enough to warm him. 

 

“Um,” Cole coughed, looking uncomfortable. It was a random thing to request, but it wasn’t like Gilbert needed to ask permission from his family. He owned his own house. It belonged to him, and he could invite anyone he wanted over. 

 

“Yes, sure. That’s really nice of you. I would just have to tell my parents.” Cole finished, swallowing the last bite of the scone. Gilbert didn’t quite know why his gaze was lingering on Cole’s throat; wanting to reach out and touch the soft flesh there. 

 

“Okay.” Gilbert smiled, standing up. He needed to be getting to school or he would be scolded for being late. “I’ll come by after school, if that’s all right. We could talk about when you’re free?”

 

“I’m always free, Gilbert. Any chance to spend an evening out of my house sounds amazing. You can name the day.” Cole said, looking embarrassed at his admission. He met Gilbert’s eyes for a second before looking away, beginning to set up his materials. 

 

Gilbert wondered what kind of things Cole was facing at home to make him want to leave. He decided not to linger on the thought and instead bid his friend farewell, already excited for the school day to end. 

 

He liked the idea of his day beginning and ending with seeing Cole. He still didn’t quite understand  _ why,  _ but he wasn’t going to question it. His heart was too full, too warm. 

 

Gilbert wasn’t going to question good things.


	3. Friendship and More

“Why on Earth would Gilbert Blythe ask you over for dinner?” Karen Mackenzie scoffed, her hands covered in flour. She was in the middle of making Cole’s family’s supper, a frown sketched deep into her forehead. 

 

Cole winced as the sounds of his younger siblings screaming from upstairs drowned out the quietness of the kitchen. His mother sighed, shaking her head as she stopped her movements. 

 

“Elizabeth and Danielle, get down here right  _ now!”  _ Karen shouted, the loudness of her voice making Cole want to cover his ears. He wished he’d never brought it up. Of course it would be an issue. 

 

Of course he wouldn’t be allowed to do anything he actually wanted to do. 

 

“He’s my friend.” Cole explained lamely, beginning to set the table and guessing his mother would just drop the subject. She probably had far more important things to worry about. 

 

“Friend?” Karen said, nearly whispering. Cole turned, his mother looking more surprised than he’d ever seen her before. She had stopped all movement and was staring at her son, mouth open. 

 

“Yes, Mom. A friend. Is it so hard to believe?” 

 

“Well, yes actually. But no matter. When is the dinner?” 

 

Cole smiled so wide it almost hurt. 

 

**

 

“My mom said I can come for dinner whenever you want. She seems excited that I have an actual invitation to go somewhere.” Cole said the next morning, delighted to see Gilbert again. They were both standing, Gilbert barely through the door and Cole finishing lighting the fire. 

 

He didn’t realize Gilbert wanted to see him in the afternoon  _ and  _ the morning, but Cole certainly wasn’t complaining. 

 

“Really? That’s such good news. Is tonight too early?” Gilbert asked, looking as happy as Cole felt. 

 

“No. Tonight is perfect.” 

 

Cole was suddenly being hugged, tightly. Gilbert laughed into his shoulder as Cole wrapped his arms around the shorter boy, breathing in deeply. He was so content in that moment that he almost missed the small kiss Gilbert placed on top of his pulse on the right side of his neck. 

 

“I’ll come by after school and we’ll go together. See you.” Gilbert said, rushing away as quickly as he’d arrived, his cheeks crimson. 

 

Cole stood motionless for a second, listening to Gilbert’s steps fade into the distance. He was left in the quiet of the forest, the rustling of squirrels running across the bare branches overheard and the crackling of the wood in the fire the only sounds filling the air.

 

Cole rubbed his neck gently, trying to keep feeling the softness of Gilbert’s mouth. That had really happened, right? Cole hadn’t just been dreaming? 

 

**

 

Cole dozed off in the afternoon, wrapped in a blanket near the fire. He’d made progress to the one sculpture he had been focusing on, a male figure that was slowly gaining a lot of Gilbert’s features. He’d wanted a break, maybe just to read, but his eyes were closing before he could stop it and he gave into the exhaustion. 

 

An unknown amount of time passed before Cole woke up to the weight of someone on top of him, leaning above him as he had rolled over onto his back while sleeping. He opened his eyes slowly, a little bit disoriented. 

 

When Gilbert’s face greeted him, Cole thought for sure that he was still asleep. He must be dreaming this time. 

 

“Morning sleepy head,” Gilbert chuckled, and it was then Cole realized that Gilbert’s legs were on either side of Cole’s thighs - straddling him like he would a horse. His hands were braced next to Cole’s head and he was beaming down at Cole, hair tousled from his hat and face flushed from the wind. 

 

“You’re...beautiful.” Cole said, because it was true and because he could do this in his dream. He could reach out and touch Gilbert freely, stare all he wanted. 

 

Nobody was here to tell him it was wrong. 

 

“Um, thanks.” Gilbert said, sitting properly - his weight now fully on Cole as he continued to look down, biting his bottom lip. The motion made Cole let out a helpless, strangled noise. “Are you sure you’re actually awake?”

 

Cole had never felt this awake in a dream before. He’d never felt sensation in his dream. It had always been like watching a play, seeing the action but not feeling it. Right now he could smell the fire, feel the cold of the snow around his back bleeding through his coat. He could touch and feel Gilbert’s strong legs. It was so close to real. 

 

“I don’t want to be awake. I like this dream.” Cole whispered, reaching for Gilbert again, wanting him closer. He managed to get a hold of Gilbert’s coat before he pulled him down, bringing their faces nose to nose. 

 

Gilbert looked unsure, his smile faltering and he pulled back just a little bit before Cole could do what he’d been longing to do all day. All  _ week _ . 

 

“Cole, you  _ are  _ awake. I promise.” 

 

“No. That can’t be true. You wouldn’t be…”

 

“Hey, look at me.” Gilbert interrupted, putting his hand on Cole’s cheek now. His fingers were cold and rough, further pushing Cole to realization. “This isn’t a dream.”

 

Cole stopped moving. He took in a deep breath, watched as Gilbert nodded his head, his smile back now but still laced with insecurity. His lips were tightly together. 

 

“I’m sorry, I…” Cole wished Gilbert wasn’t on top of him, wished he could hide himself. Gilbert had probably wanted to just mess around, perhaps pretend to fight or something. He hadn’t gotten on top of him because he wanted to...kiss Cole or anything. 

 

Why did Cole have to be so messed up? Why did he  _ want  _ something like this?

 

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have woken you up like that but I...I just...you were lying there on your back and I…” 

 

Gilbert stood up before finishing, shaking his head. 

 

Cole really,  _ really  _ wanted Gilbert to finish one of those sentences but he didn’t push it. Instead he got to his feet as well, remembering there was a dinner he had to attend. 

 

“Um, I’ll grab your stuff and you can put the fire out?” Gilbert offered, reaching for Cole’s books before getting an answer. 

 

“Sure. Thanks.” 

 

**

 

“Bash, Cole’s ridiculously talented. Drawing  _ and  _ sculpting. Do you think he could come and see some of your work?” Gilbert was beaming, passing some of the food over to Cole. 

 

They had spent two hours preparing everything for dinner, listening to Bash’s stories from his adventures on the ship, places he had been. Cole knew how to cook meals, had helped his mother from a young age, and it turned out Gilbert had too. Not his mother, but his father and other family members. Cooking hadn’t always been a women-only job in their households, and Bash had learned skills from his mother as well. Together they made the whole house smell delicious, their shirts rolled up to escape some of the heat from the oven. 

 

Cole shook his head, never knowing how to take compliments. He wasn’t spectacular like Gilbert was insinuating. He didn’t have much to compare his skills to but he imagined they weren’t that great. 

 

“You’re welcome to come and see them, but they’re not…”

 

“They’re  _ excellent.”  _ Gilbert interrupted, looking smug as he got himself a slice of bread. 

 

Bash looked between the two boys, an unreadable look on his face. Cole had a sip of water, wondering how obvious his affection was towards Gilbert. Was it written in everything he did? Every glance and laugh? 

 

When they were finished, Bash said he was going out to see someone and Gilbert made coffee, bringing their cups into the living room. They sat on the same couch, feeling relaxed. Gilbert said he didn’t want Cole to feel like they had to have perfect etiquette. 

 

“It’s just us here. Why bother?” Gilbert shrugged. “Unless you’d like to sit across from me and discuss the weather? Perhaps politics?” 

 

Cole snorted. “No thanks.” 

 

Their legs were touching as they sat back against the couch, sipping their coffee slowly and listening to the fire. It was dark outside and Cole didn’t want to think about the walk home; the coldness of the night air compared to how warm it was in Gilbert’s house. He wished they could stay inside together, alone like this, forever. 

 

“Can I ask you something?” Gilbert asked, looking shy again. 

 

_ Cute,  _ was the word that came to Cole’s mind. 

 

“Sure.” 

 

“Are you...scared of your parents?” 

 

Cole looked over at Gilbert, his arm against Cole’s, before looking back at his coffee. He balanced the cup on his leg, noticing how easy it would be to reach for Gilbert’s hand; lace their fingers together. 

 

If Cole did that, showed Gilbert who he really was, all he would have to say was ‘ _ yes, and this is why.’  _

 

But he wasn’t that brave. 

 

“My dad can be...mean. My mother is preoccupied with my sisters.” 

 

“I’m sorry.” 

 

“It is what it is, right?” Cole shrugged, wishing for a change of subject. He wasn’t home right now and he didn’t want to think about being there. He wanted to enjoy Gilbert’s home.

 

“Do they know you...draw? And sculpt?” 

 

“No. They would hate it. I’m supposed to run the farm.” Cole said, moving his leg too quickly and ended up knocking his mug of coffee onto the floor. 

 

“That’s okay. I’ll get a cloth.” Gilbert said, placing his hand on Cole’s back in comfort. 

 

It was meant to be a quick gesture, and Cole expected Gilbert to get up and go to the kitchen, but for some reason Gilbert was still sitting. He was still touching Cole’s back, running his hand up and down. 

 

He seemed stuck where he was. 

 

“Gilbert, are you…” Cole tried to look at him, turning to see but before he could Gilbert moved his hand underneath Cole’s shirt, touching Cole’s bare back. Cole gasped and closed his eyes. 

 

Gilbert’s hands were cold. 

 

“Sorry,  _ sorry.  _ I…” Gilbert whispered, but he didn’t finish his sentence again. He just kept rubbing, mapping out Cole’s back with his fingers and palm, hesitating on the soft ridges of Cole’s hips. 

 

Cole didn’t know what was happening. He could feel  _ something  _ between them, something more than friendship, but he’d never really had a friend before. No boy had ever invited him for dinner, talked to him as freely as Gilbert. Cole had nothing to compare this to, but he imagined normal friends weren’t this intimate; didn’t touch each other as much as they were. 

 

Did Gilbert feel it too? He must have known what having a friend was like. Did he do this to all of his friends? 

 

The touch made something blossom inside Cole’s chest - sugary and sweet like frosting on cake. As he opened his eyes and turned to Gilbert, the look on the other boy’s face said it all. 

 

This wasn’t just friendship. 

 

“I’ll get that cloth now.” Gilbert whispered, finally taking his hand away and standing up. Cole leaned back on the couch, trying to get himself to breathe normally again. 


	4. Happy

Gilbert didn’t want to go back into the living room. He  _ did _ , but he didn’t. 

 

He’d just made such a  _ fool  _ of himself. Why had he done that? Why did he want to do it more? 

 

He hesitated in the kitchen, dampening the cloth; buying himself some time to think properly. He needed to sort through the mess of thoughts in his head. 

 

He really liked Cole. He wanted to spend time with him, have nights like this a lot more frequently. He missed Cole at school so it was only fair that he tried to see him outside of school, right? That was a normal reaction. Gilbert had never cared about how the other boys talked about Cole. Billy Andrews didn’t know anything. 

 

Cole was...he was…

 

“You okay?” 

 

Gilbert jumped in shock, turning around and finding Cole standing in the doorway of the kitchen, caution all over his face. 

 

“Yes. I’m fine. Just...got stuck.” 

 

Gilbert winced at how stupid he sounded but Cole didn’t seem to mind. In fact, Cole was smiling fondly at him and walked over to take the cloth from out of his hands. 

 

“I’ll clean up the coffee. I made the mess after all.” 

 

“But you’re my guest, I…”

 

“Gilbert, it’s fine.” Cole said, their hands brushing as he took the cloth. He walked back into the living room and Gilbert leaned back against the counter, not understanding why he felt so worked up. 

 

He was  _ nervous.  _ Why did anything to do with this situation make him nervous? 

 

He squared his shoulders, took a deep breath and walked back to Cole. He found the taller boy on his knees, wiping the wooden floor. He went back to his spot on the couch. 

 

“I want to be a doctor.” Gilbert blurted out, needing something else to occupy his thoughts. He needed the natural flow of conversation back. 

 

Cole stopped wiping the floor and looked up at him. “Really? That’s amazing, Gilbert. How did you decide that?” 

 

Gilbert smiled, remembering Ruth. 

 

“I delivered a baby when we were in Trinidad. The mother, Ruth, was in a really bad way and needed some help. Nobody was going to do anything for her, so I stepped in.” 

 

“How did you know what to do?” Cole asked, sitting back down - slightly further away from Gilbert this time in order to see each other properly. 

 

“I just used what I knew about animals giving birth. I’ve seen it enough. It’s basically the same thing. The baby was breech, which means it wasn’t in a deliverable position. I made sure it was and then she was able to give birth to her daughter properly. It was...the moment something switched for me. I just suddenly knew what it is I’m meant to do.” 

 

Gilbert was staring into the fire, remembering how amazing it had felt to be able to help someone - to instruct Bash on how to help and comfort Ruth through the birth. He wanted to be able to do that for many more people in his lifetime, be the first doctor in Avonlea. 

 

“I’m sure you’ll be an excellent doctor, Gilbert.” Cole said softly. “I think you’ll help a lot of people, especially if you stay here.” 

 

Gilbert smiled, happy to have Cole’s support. He hadn’t been able to tell too many people, and usually when he did, he got stuck on that fact that Mr. Phillips was refusing to tutor him. The man didn’t seem to have time for anybody except himself. 

 

“You’ll be a famous artist and I’ll be a doctor. The future looks bright.” Gilbert said, chuckling. 

 

“Well, I’m sure you’ll be a doctor but I’ll be stuck on my farm. That’s the only future for me.” 

 

The sadness in Cole’s voice made Gilbert automatically reach for him, connect their hands. He shook his head. 

 

“That’s not true, Cole. You could still be an artist.”

 

“Farmer by day, artist by night?” Cole joked, but his face showed no signs of humour. 

 

“Why not? Would that be so bad?” 

 

Cole let Gilbert still hold his hand, but his grip was slack now. He looked into the fire, away from Gilbert, and stayed quiet. Gilbert wished he could understand what was going on inside his head. He wanted to comfort his friend, make something better, but he knew it wasn’t that easy. 

 

“I should probably be heading home. My mom will be expecting me.” Cole sighed, standing up and letting Gilbert’s hand go. 

 

It was the very last thing in the world Gilbert wanted, but he didn’t refuse. Instead, he walked Cole to the door and waited as he got his boots and coat on, preparing to head out into the cold. 

 

“Thanks for everything, Gilbert. I...had a really good time.” Cole said when he was ready, smiling at his feet. 

 

Gilbert looked back longingly, wishing that smile was directed right at him. 

 

“I did too. Let’s do it again soon, and I’ll keep visiting you in the mornings and after school if that’s okay?” 

 

Cole nodded, making eye contact again briefly before turning to open the front door. “Bye, Gilbert.” 

 

“Bye, Cole.” 

 

**

 

Gilbert had almost fallen asleep when he heard the door opening, Bash’s footsteps intentionally quieter than normal. Gilbert debated for a moment whether or not he should get up to see Bash, but then he shrugged and sat up - wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. The house had gotten colder since Cole left, the fires not as strong. 

 

“How was your night?” Gilbert asked, finding Bash in his own room getting ready for bed. 

 

Bash turned and smiled, looking happy. “I love that woman so much. I can’t even describe it, Gilbert.” 

 

“I’m happy for you.” Gilbert said honestly, amazed at how content Bash looked. He’d never thought Bash could smile that wide when they’d first met. 

 

“I’m happy for you, too. Cole is very nice.” 

 

Gilbert didn’t understand why the comment made him so uncomfortable, but he found himself suddenly shifting from foot to foot, a lump in his throat. Cole and Mary weren’t the same. Mary was someone Bash was interested in romantically. Cole was a friend. 

 

And yet, Bash looked at him as if Gilbert had just found his future spouse as well - like he was happy that Gilbert was also so in love, which was just ridiculous. 

 

Boys couldn’t be in love with other boys. 

 

“I’m going to sleep now. Goodnight.” Gilbert said, turning on his heel and rushing back to his room; regretting ever getting up. 

 

He should have stayed in bed. 


	5. Enough

**2 weeks later**

 

Miss Stacey was the breaking point for Cole. 

 

He had been preparing to go to ‘school,’ gathering his books and bag in his room. His mind was busy wandering as it often did these days - thinking of the evening before when he’d gone to Gilbert’s again. They’d been alone this time, and had taken their time making the food. They’d moved around each other in the kitchen like they’d done it all their lives, talking about how the new teacher had offered to help Gilbert with his studies before school three days a week. 

 

Cole had never felt so at ease. 

 

Then his mother had called for him as he’d been coming down the stairs, her voice more shrill than normal. As he entered the kitchen he saw a woman he didn’t recognise sitting at the table, his mother frowning in his direction. 

 

“It seems you haven’t met the new teacher. Which is odd, since every day you leave here and go to school.” Karen said, her eyes dangerously focused on him. 

 

Cole didn’t know what to say, all possible responses floating out of his brain. The only instinct he had in that moment was to run. And that’s exactly what he did. 

 

**

 

Gilbert was sitting in the shed when Cole got there, his books open and a pen between his lips. He looked up immediately when Cole rushed inside, his soft features turning to alarm as he took in Cole’s appearance. 

 

“What’s happened?” Gilbert asked, standing up. He was in front of Cole a second later, hands on Cole’s elbows to steady him. 

 

“Miss Stacey was at my house.” Cole managed to say, stupidly close to crying. He couldn’t think through the storm of thoughts rushing inside his mind. 

 

What happened now? What would his punishment be? He couldn’t go back to school. He couldn't face it. He hated everything about it, and nothing interested him except art. 

 

What was he…

 

“Cole, hey. Look at me.” Gilbert whispered, hands now on Cole’s cheeks. The touch instantly made Cole stop moving, his panting breaths slowing as he caught Gilbert’s gaze. 

 

“You’re going to be okay. Take deep breaths for me. Copy my breathing, okay?” Gilbert asked, sucking in a long breath before exhaling for just as long. Cole managed to copy it three or four times before the panic that had taken hold of him relented. 

 

Minutes later, Gilbert’s hands were still on Cole’s face. 

 

“I’m...sorry. I…” Cole managed, but Gilbert shook his head; wrapping Cole into a big hug. 

 

“It’s okay. Don’t apologize to me.” 

 

They sat down together, Cole shivering. He’d forgotten his jacket in his rush to leave the house and now he was seriously regretting it. Gilbert stayed close to him though, body heat warming the one side of Cole’s body. 

 

“I don’t know what to do now. How can I face my parents?” Cole asked. 

 

“Do you think they would listen to the truth?” 

 

“What truth?” Cole scoffed. “That nobody at the school likes me? That Mr. Phillips used to pick on me for no reason? That Billy Andrews has made it his mission for months to make every day a living hell?” 

 

“ _ Yes,”  _ Gilbert nodded. “Yes, exactly that. Wouldn’t they find some compassion for you?” 

 

“You don’t know them, Gil.” Cole whispered, shaking his head. “They would just punish me for not standing up for myself. My father would think I’m even more pathetic.” 

 

“You’re not pathetic.” Gilbert said, looking serious. Cole smiled at his friend’s defensiveness, suddenly wishing he could just lean in and kiss Gilbert - do what everyone else had been so excited about doing during the parlor games after school. 

 

He hadn’t been interested in kissing someone as much as everyone else seemed to be. But he understood now as he looked at Gilbert, the other boy’s lips pouty and full. 

 

“What? Do I have something on my face?” Gilbert asked, innocently wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Cole looked away. 

 

“No, you don’t.” 

 

They shared another sheepish grin before Gilbert stood up, gathering his things. Cole sighed at the thought of staying in the shed without his jacket but he definitely wasn’t going home. 

 

“Come on,” Gilbert announced, suddenly shrugging his coat off and giving it to Cole. 

 

“What?” Cole asked, taking the coat anyway though and putting it on. Gilbert didn’t seem to mind the cold. 

 

“I’m taking you home with me. You can stay at my house for a while.” Gilbert said, exiting the shed with enthusiasm. Cole was too baffled to do anything but follow. 

 

They walked in the direction of Gilbert’s farm, listening to the sound of birds in the barren trees. Cole’s stomach growled, evidence of the fact that he hadn’t eaten breakfast. He’d rushed out before he could. 

 

“I’ll stay home with you today. And maybe later we could go talk with your parents.” Gilbert said, just as the house came into view. Cole pulled his eyes away from Gilbert’s back; suddenly aware of how long he’d been staring. 

 

“I...I don’t think that’s a good idea, Gil.” 

 

“I know you’re scared.” Gilbert said and suddenly his hand was grabbing Cole’s, sliding their fingers together. Cole couldn’t help but gasp, his hand weak. Gilbert didn’t seem to realize he’d done anything peculiar, continuing to stroll. “But I’ll be there for you. In your defense.” 

 

Cole wanted to say that it wouldn’t do anything. His father was already cross that Cole liked to draw and showed interest in his sister’s dolls rather than playing ball. Cole wanted to explain that he had bruises on his back to prove how much his father didn’t listen to reason, asked questions only after the belt had been struck on flesh. 

 

But Cole decided to enjoy the fact that he was holding hands with someone who made him happy, someone who would never hurt him the way his own family had. 

 

And in that moment, it was enough. 


	6. Normal

Bash raised his eyebrows as Gilbert walked inside with Cole, seeing his friend shivering. He realized that only one of the younger boys was wearing a jacket and Bash flinched in sympathy. Gilbert motioned for Cole to go and sit by the fire while he made some breakfast. Cole waved at Bash and then headed towards the living room. 

 

“Blythe, why are you back?” Bash asked and Gilbert sighed heavily. He placed his books on the table and started the oven. 

 

“It’s a long story. Cole needed some help.” 

 

“You’re missing school.” Bash pointed out and Gilbert rolled his eyes. 

 

“Anything else? Stop lecturing me.” 

 

“Not lecturing. Just observing.” Bash smirked, getting on his own boots and preparing to face the harsh winter air. He was getting used to the Canadian winter but he still didn’t enjoy it. 

 

“You like observing everything I do with Cole apparently.” 

 

Bash pursed his lips at Gilbert as he shrugged on his coat and hat. “What exactly  _ are  _ you doing with Cole?” 

 

“I’m helping a friend! A friend who is in an impossible situation and who needs some compassion. What are you even implying?” Gilbert snapped, turning around and coming up close to Bash’s face. 

 

The brunette’s eyes were wide, fear and anger evident in them and it was that expression that made Bash relent. He didn’t know if he was even trying to make a point or imply anything. He just found it odd that Cole was over so much, that Gilbert seemed to completely change when Cole was around. Cole brought out a side of Gilbert that Bash hadn’t seen before; something soft and melted in every glance. 

 

Gilbert looked how Bash felt whenever he was around Mary, despite how wrong that seemed at first. But Bash kept seeing it. And he saw the same look in Cole’s eye as well. 

 

“Nothing, Gilbert. I’m sorry. Truly.” Bash said, clapping his friend on the shoulder. “I’ll see you later.” 

 

Gilbert didn’t reply. He just turned around and started to make some toast, his movements scattered and clumsy. Bash felt a twinge of guilt in his chest but he couldn’t take anything back now. Hopefully Gilbert would forgive him before the day was over. He walked out the door and closed it behind him. 

 

**

Cole was gazing out the window when Gilbert came back to join him, holding a plate of bread and a cup of tea. Cole smiled brightly at him, almost as if this morning hadn’t happened. Gilbert nearly tripped over his own feet but managed to get the plate onto the small table in front of the couch. 

 

“Thank you.” Cole whispered, reaching for the food instantly. Gilbert sat next to his friend, feeling restless. He didn’t know how to sit or what to say next. He knew how to sound confident with Cole like he had when they’d come back here, like he could solve every problem, but right now he felt like the boy he was. Unsure. 

 

“You’re not eating?” 

 

Gilbert frowned, realizing he was wringing his hands together. He reached for a slice of bread and began munching it, the piece crispier than he had intended. “I already had breakfast but I could eat again.” 

 

Cole still smiled at him, his cheeks flushed. Cole seemed to constantly have a flushed face when they were together. Gilbert took a moment to realize that now as they sat side by side.  

 

Why did Bash say that - the bit about what Gilbert was planning to do with Cole? Why was it running back and forth through Gilbert’s head? He thought of Bash’s earlier comments a few weeks ago about being ‘happy’ for Gilbert; happy that he’d found a friend. 

 

“Have you ever had a friend before, Cole?” Gilbert blurted out, swallowing some of his tea. He kept his eyes on his hands, not knowing if he was ready to see Cole’s face again yet. 

 

“Um, well.” Cole cleared his throat. “Not until this year. With Anne. And...you.” 

“Oh.” It was all Gilbert could think to say. 

 

“W-why? You look like you’re upset about something.” Cole said, sounding worried himself and Gilbert hated that. He hated making Cole feel sad. 

 

“Nothing. It’s nothing. I just never really had a friend before either. Not one like you. Someone I can talk to. Someone... _ interesting.”  _

 

Gilbert had meant it as a compliment but he managed to look up at his friend, Cole was frowning at him. 

 

“What do you mean by interesting?” 

 

Gilbert coughed, his chest tightening. “I mean someone who doesn’t try to be...mean. You’re not like Billy Andrews, which is kind of how a lot of boys our age act. I never comprehended why boys feel the need to be...awful to everyone.” 

 

“So you’re saying I’m sensitive then? Because I’m an artist?” Cole sounded defensive, like he was slowing backing away into himself and Gilbert wasn’t having it. 

 

“No.  _ No.  _ I’m saying that I really like being with you. I like spending time with you because...you’re…” Gilbert shook his head, trying to put what he felt into words. “You’re the best person I know. It’s the best part of my day seeing you before and after school, or when you come over sometimes.” 

 

Gilbert was panting and he didn’t quite know why he was so shaken, why he wanted so much to express himself; why everything felt like it was shifting. 

 

“Gilbert, I…” 

 

“But feeling this way probably isn’t normal, right? Wanting to be with someone all the time isn’t a normal friendship.  _ Right?”  _

 

Cole swallowed thickly and Gilbert followed the movement, enthralled. 

 

“If we both haven’t really had a friend before, how do we know what’s normal?” Cole asked and the logic behind it made sense to Gilbert. 

 

He began to nod in agreement, trying to mentally talk himself out of whatever insanity was flowing through him; this heightened state of panic blooming in his heart. 

 

“Or maybe…” Cole started, his voice a whisper. “Maybe we feel...something more?” 

 

Gilbert let his shoulders relax, his whole body suddenly too heavy to hold up properly and he sunk back against the cushions. Cole was the one breathing hard now, chest rising and falling as he watched Gilbert carefully. 

 

“More? What do you mean by that?” 

 

Gilbert asked because he didn’t want to say something else - something that would ruin what they’d built between them. He  _ did  _ consider Cole a friend. He  _ did  _ care about him. But as a  _ friend.  _ ‘Friend’ was a term Gilbert had learned from infancy. Someone you play with, talk to. Have dinners with. Someone who will be a partner in a business, like Bash. 

 

Someone you love, but love as a friend. 

 

“I mean...the way people assume you like Anne. Maybe you like me in...that way.” 

 

Gilbert was stunned into silence, eyes fixed on Cole’s face. They were both silent now, Cole apparently out of words; out of explanations for Gilbert’s feelings. And then a thought struck him. Had they only been speaking about Gilbert’s feelings this whole time? 

 

“Is that how you feel about...me?” He asked, sitting up straight now. 

 

Cole looked expressionless for a second, giving nothing away, but then he hung his head and began to shield his stomach with his arms, as if expecting an attack. 

 

“Cole? I’m not going to... _ hurt _ you.” Gilbert said, unable to think of anything worse than physically hurting Cole. He didn’t deserve that. He deserved...everything. 

 

“I wish you would.” Cole said and Gilbert thought he’d heard that wrong. What did that mean? Was he being serious? 

 

“Cole…No. I wouldn’t ever.” 

 

“You should throw me out of your house. You shouldn’t be my friend. I’m not capable of being anyone’s friend. I’m just...useless.” Cole cried and suddenly tears were pouring down his cheeks. 

 

Gilbert immediately reached for him but Cole flinched away. 

 

“Seeing you is the best part of my day too, Gil. I wait all night and all day when you’re at school. I never want to say goodbye. I never want to go home. You make me so happy. But I’m dragging you into this. I’m making you think you want to be my friend, but you don’t. You deserve someone way better than me.” 

 

Gilbert shook his head. It was worst thing he’d ever heard Cole say. He couldn’t believe Cole felt this awful about himself. 

 

“No, Cole.  _ Stop  _ saying these things!” Gilbert demanded, putting himself right into Cole’s space and wrapping his arms around him. Cole resisted for a few seconds before he went limp, allowing Gilbert to hold him as he continued to cry. 

 

“Gilbert, I’m not... _ worth  _ it.”

 

“Yes you are, Cole.  _ Listen  _ to me.” Gilbert whimpered, close to tears himself now. “You are so talented and kind. And funny. You make me laugh for hours. We never run out of things to talk about. You’re the best friend I’ve had and probably ever will have. You mean the  _ world  _ to me and I love…” 

 

Gilbert didn’t get to finish his sentence because suddenly Cole had put his hands on either side of Gilbert’s face and brought their mouths together; a small noise escaping from Cole’s throat as it happened. 

 

It was a peck. Something similar to how Gilbert had kissed his older family member’s cheeks in Alberta when he’d gone with his father; something girls and boys did during silly parlor games. And it was over so fast that Gilbert hadn’t even had the chance to reciprocate. 

 

But it was with Cole. And it was on the lips. And they were two  _ boys.  _

 

“Yes, Gilbert. That’s how I feel about you.” 


	7. Home

“Do you see now?” Cole whispered, still touching Gilbert’s face. He watched the brunette’s wide eyes with grief sitting heavy in his heart. He knew he’d just lost his friend. “Do you see why you shouldn’t be friends with me? Do you see what I’m dragging you into?” 

 

Cole let go of Gilbert’s soft skin and stood up, walking swiftly towards the front door. He began putting on his shoes, trying not to flinch as Gilbert walked towards him. He was expecting to be hit, kicked. He would deserve it. 

 

“Cole, don’t go.” 

 

“I have to, Gil. You don’t deserve this. Whatever you’re feeling it’s because of  _ me.  _ It’s like I’ve put a spell on you; made you believe that you feel something you don’t. You’re not like me. You’re...normal. You have a whole life ahead of you and I won’t ruin it.” Cole rambled, finishing tying his left shoe. He stood up, ready to bolt, but Gilbert grabbed his wrist; holding on firmly. 

 

“Cole, would you just  _ stop?  _ Listen to me,  _ please.”  _ Gilbert begged and as Cole finally made himself look at his friend, he could see tears in Gilbert’s eyes. He stopped trying to leave and turned to properly face the other boy. 

 

“You...you kissed me.” Gilbert stated and Cole blanched. 

 

“I know.”

 

“I’ve wondered how it would feel. To kiss someone.” 

 

Cole frowned, not knowing what Gilbert was actually trying to say. Gilbert looked at him helplessly, shaking his head. 

“I thought...boys were supposed to marry girls.  _ Kiss  _ girls. Be with girls. Enough people have tried to convince me how I feel about Anne, but I just don’t feel like that with her. I don’t yearn for her that way I seem to for you.” Gilbert’s face was crimson but he kept eye contact with Cole. He also began walking towards him, bringing their bodies closer. 

 

Cole couldn’t help but hold his breath. 

 

“And maybe that’s wrong. Maybe I’m not supposed to want you, but I do Cole. And it’s not because you’ve made me this way. It’s because you’re...wonderful. I want you because you’re  _ you.  _ Somehow I don’t care that you’re a boy.” 

 

Gilbert placed his hands softly on either side of Cole’s hips and sort of sagged against the taller boy, breathing out long and hard. Cole could feel that Gilbert was shaking. 

 

“Gilbert, are you sure?” 

 

“Are you?” 

 

“Yes.” Cole said immediately, nodding. He looked at Gilbert’s mouth again because now he could. Now he knew Gilbert was looking right back at him in the same way. “I’ve never kissed anyone either.” 

 

Gilbert nodded and then smiled. “When would we have had the chance? It’s not like we go around kissing people until we’re adults. Usually.” 

 

“Right.” 

 

“Cole, I’m so nervous right now.” Gilbert blurted out, resting his head on Cole’s shoulder. Cole tentatively wrapped his arms around his friend, wanting to be closer. 

 

“Me too.” 

 

Cole felt how hard his heart was beating inside his chest, booming against his ribs. He wanted to try to kiss Gilbert again, properly this time, but he didn’t dare. Now that he had told Gilbert how he felt, now that they were both on the same page, Cole wanted to leave the rest to Gilbert. He didn’t want to move too fast and scare Gilbert, make him change his mind. 

 

Gilbert suddenly moved his face up, their noses practically touching and he breathed shakily against Cole’s mouth; his breath warm. Cole waited, feeling light headed from anticipation, hands still touching Gilbert’s back and arms.

 

Gilbert closed his eyes and moved that last inch that separated their mouths, putting their lips back together. It wasn’t a peck this time. Cole tried moving his mouth the way he’d practiced on his hand, under the covers at night wishing it was Gilbert. He tried to silently get Gilbert to open his mouth wider and when he did, when Gilbert did exactly what Cole was hoping for, Cole brought his right hand up to hold him by the back of his head. 

 

Gilbert made a soft noise, leaning up on his toes and wrapping his arms around Cole’s neck, bringing them firmly together. Their mouths were making smacking sounds in the quietness of the room and Cole was rather surprised at how loud kissing could be, but it also felt really nice. It was warm and overwhelming and in the pit of Cole’s stomach something felt like it was whispering  _ more, more, more.  _

 

Gilbert suddenly pulled back, eyes opening and he looked shaken. His mouth was wet from the kisses they’d shared, his cheeks bright red, and his chest was heaving. 

 

“Are you okay?” Cole whispered.

 

Gilbert nodded, suddenly reaching up and running his hands through Cole’s hair. He moved back in closer and pressed soft, barely-there kisses along Cole’s cheeks, across his jaw. Gilbert was trying to do something but Cole didn’t know what it was. He didn’t know if Gilbert knew what it was either, but he seemed to be exploring all of Cole’s exposed skin; even lingering on the back of his neck.

 

“I didn’t think it would be like that,” Gilbert finally said, saying the words right into Cole’s ear. Both boys were still embracing each other, their chests pulled together. The wind from the blustery winter day was howling just outside the door, a draft seeping into through the bottom of the wooden door. Cole shuddered, feeling goosebumps appear on his arms and legs. 

 

“Let’s go back to the fire. I’m kind of c-cold.” 

 

“Okay. Good idea.” Gilbert smiled, leading Cole by the hand into the living room and quickly covering them in a knitted blanket while they sat on the couch. 

 

They sat close together, buried under the warm blanket, and quickly settled back into a silence that was comfortable. They kept exchanging bashful glances, breaking out into goofy smiles before falling back into quiet, listening to the fire crackling. 

 

Cole felt himself drifting, his head resting on Gilbert’s shoulder, when suddenly Gilbert kissed his forehead. He sat back up and saw Gil staring at him in a kind of wonder. 

 

“What?” Cole asked, smiling. 

 

“Nothing. You’re just…” Gilbert began, but then he shook his head and didn’t finish his sentence. “I feel so weird. I want to say all these things to you but I think it’s too much. I’m going to sound like Anne going on about romance and how people look at each other longingly. Like in one of her books.” 

 

“I like her stories,” Cole said. “I like when she reads about people from long ago, writing poems for each other and...I don’t know. Taking time to really think about the other.” 

 

“I think about you all the time. You know that.” 

 

“And you know I think about you, too.” Cole whispered, bringing their entwined hands up to his mouth and kissing Gilbert’s knuckles. “There’s been lots of times I tried drawing you. Us. Talking in the shed together. Cooking. I dream of you in pictures sometimes.” 

 

Cole expected Gilbert to laugh, brush off his sentiments like they were just over-dramatic observations like in Anne’s books he’d just spoken about. But Gilbert seemed transfixed by the idea of Cole thinking of him that way, dreaming of them being together like his imagined drawings. 

 

“I wake up wishing you were lying beside me.” Gilbert whispered, the reality of his words jolting him even further awake. He’d never voiced those thoughts before, how he turned over every morning half-expecting Cole’s face to be greeting him. 

 

“I wish I could be.” 

 

“Really?” 

 

“Yes. I kind of already think of this house - of  _ you -  _ as home. Is that bad to say?” Cole asked, looking away. He was suddenly afraid he’d said too much. 

 

“No.  _ No.”  _ Gilbert whispered. “It’s not bad because this is your home. I don’t mind being your home.” 

 

Cole went with what felt right and leaned back in for another kiss, wanting to taste Gilbert again; move his mouth against his. He could feel how addicting this would become, that he’d never want to stop. 

 

They were both so caught up in the kiss again, together in their own world, that they didn’t hear the sound of the door opening. Or the sound of heavy footsteps walking on the hard floors. 

 

Cole only pulled away when he heard someone - a female someone - gasp loudly into the quiet room. 


	8. Shaken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of changing POV's in this chapter :)

“Blythe, there’s someone here to see you.” Bash’s voice announced and Gilbert violently flinched away from Cole, standing up. 

 

For a brief second he thought he had avoided Bash seeing them because he heard the door closing. That meant Bash was still a room away. He wouldn’t have seen them kissing and Gilbert thought he had escaped being caught. 

 

But then he saw Ruby standing in the doorway of the living room, her red freckled-face covered in messy tears, staring at him and Cole with horror in her eyes. 

 

Bash appeared behind her and was startled by the sound of Ruby’s sudden sobbing.

 

“Ruby, I can explain. Please, I…” Gilbert began, but Ruby didn’t stay long enough to listen. She turned on her heel and ran back out the door, the sound of her crying echoing in the silent room. 

 

“What did you do, Blythe? The girl was only inside for half a minute.” Bash stated, eyebrows raised. 

 

“Why... _ why  _ was she here? Why did you let her come in?” Gilbert suddenly shouted, anger rushing through him so quickly he felt light-headed. He was breathing heavily, his vision spotted and he could feel Cole standing up next to him; their arms brushing. 

 

“She found me near the barn. Said school was let out early due to the heavy snow and she wanted to know if you were all right, considering you didn’t go in this morning. Two other girls were with her as well.” 

 

_ Anne and Diana probably _ , Gilbert thought. What if they had all seen too? What if they were on their way to tell everyone they knew what Gilbert and Cole had been doing? 

 

Gilbert couldn’t breathe. 

 

“Blythe, take some breaths for me. You’re looking more pale than usual.” Bash said, slowly walking over to Gilbert and flashing a look at Cole. Gilbert managed to sit back down before his knees gave out, gingerly leaning back and closing his eyes. 

 

What was he doing to do?

 

“It’s going to be okay.” Cole whispered, and Gilbert could tell Cole wanted to comfort him the way they normally would if nobody was around. Thankfully though he wasn’t making any moves to touch or hold Gilbert, keeping a respectful distance on his side of the couch. Bash knelt down in front of Gilbert and waited patiently. 

 

“Feeling a little better?” 

 

“No. Not at all.” Gilbert snapped. 

 

“Maybe I should go.” Cole said and that made Gilbert open his eyes. He shook his head, pleading with his friend with a look he hoped Cole could interpret. 

 

“You can’t go right now. Your family, remember?” 

 

“I know. But I thought maybe you’d want me to leave.” 

 

“I don’t. Just stay here, okay?” 

 

“Someone needs to tell me what’s going on right this minute! Why does nothing make sense right now?” Bash interrupted, sounding annoyed. 

 

Gilbert sighed, rubbing his forehead with his fingertips. “Bash, I’m sorry. I know you don’t understand. I don’t feel like I even understand.” 

 

“What don’t you understand? Why Ruby was so upset?” 

 

“I know why she’s upset.” 

 

“Okay. You realize you still don’t make sense right?” 

 

“Ruby thinks she saw something that didn’t happen.” Cole suddenly blurted out, barging his way into the conversation. Bash looked over at the blonde-haired boy and frowned. 

 

“Cole, you don’t…” 

 

“She thought Gilbert and I were...kissing, but we  _ weren’t.  _ He was checking my tooth because it’s been sore for a long time now and he’s going to be a doctor so I thought I’d ask him if he saw something. He’s been reading about teeth recently. He was really close to my face and I think at Ruby’s angle she...misinterpreted the situation.” Cole explained, and by the end his speech it felt like had said it all in one go. 

 

The out of breath, kicked in the stomach feeling swooped back into Gilbert’s limbs as he studied Bash’s face, wondering desperately if Bash would believe it. He didn’t know where Cole thought of such an explanation, but he was really glad for it. 

 

“Oh. Well in that case, it’s a simple fix. Go and explain it to her.” Bash shrugged, standing back up and looking unbothered. 

 

Gilbert could have jumped for joy. 

 

“I would move fast though, Blythe. You don’t want those kind of rumours spreading around. And in this town, news probably travels fast.” Bash joked, saluting them as he walked back outside; going back to work. 

 

Gilbert turned to Cole as soon as they were alone again, wanting to check on him. But Cole stood up and also walked towards the door, beginning to put his shoes on. 

 

“Cole, what are you doing?” 

  
  


“They’re probably at the shed. We should go together. It will be more convincing.” Cole said, his voice sounding distant and cold. 

 

“Right.” Gilbert said slowly, reaching for his own shoes. 

 

“Do you have a spare jacket?” 

 

“Yes. It was my father’s but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” 

 

“Nevermind then. I’ll just go like this.” Cole stated, waiting as Gilbert shrugged on his own coat. He peered outside and saw how heavy the snow was falling, how the wind was blowing it around like great tidal waves of white. 

 

“Don’t be silly, Cole. You’ll catch your death.” 

 

“That would be preferred right now.” 

 

“Don’t talk that way.” Gilbert pleaded, absentmindedly reaching for Cole. But the taller boy flinched away.

 

“Please don’t, Gilbert. I can’t handle it right now.” 

 

Gilbert swallowed down the hurt that his words caused, deciding instead to fetch his father’s jacket and hand it to Cole. He took it and put it on without more argument and the two of them set off towards their secret hideaway. 

 

**

 

“I saw them  _ kissing!”  _ Ruby wailed, sobbing so hard that Anne could barely make out her words. She was rubbing her friend’s back, trying to warm the shed but it wasn’t standing much of a chance against the harsh wind. 

 

“That...can’t be true, Ruby.” Diana said, no doubt in her voice. “Two boys can’t kiss. That’s just not something people do. Especially Gilbert.” 

 

Anne was becoming increasingly anxious the harder Ruby cried, the longer this conversation went on about Gilbert and one of her dearest friends. She didn’t like that Cole was being implemented as someone who  _ would  _ do something like that, as if that ‘something’ was horribly wrong. 

 

As Anne looked at how devastated the other girls were, all she kept thinking was how much she  _ didn’t  _ care if Cole and Gilbert had been kissing. Why was that so wrong? 

 

“Ruby, you need to calm yourself. You can’t go home like this but we need to start heading that way. This weather is awful.” Anne said through chattering teeth. They were huddled together closely for warmth. 

 

“Everything is so pointless now! Gilbert was supposed to be my husband some day. How can we be together now that I’ve seen him do something so...so…” Ruby hiccuped, wiping her nose. “So completely disgusting!” 

 

Suddenly, two figures appeared in the doorway, bringing in with them some more snow and bitter cold wind. Anne, Diana and Ruby all jumped in surprise at their presence, looking up and seeing Cole and Gilbert both standing before them, covered in snow. 

 

“Ruby, I need you to listen because what you think you saw didn’t happen.” 

 

Anne was surprised that it was Cole who spoke first, his normal quiet nature apparently forgotten. She frowned at how shaken Cole looked, how he was standing in such a way that made touch between the boys completely impossible. Gilbert’s face was stricken as he looked at Cole, his bottom lip quivering like he could break into tears at any second. 

 

Anne stood up and wrapped Cole in a hug before he could protest, sensing that he needed it more than anyone in this room right now. 

 

“See, Ruby.” Diana said happily, despite her whole body shaking from the cold. “I knew there had to be an explanation.” 

 

“Gilbert was checking my tooth,” Cole went on, hanging onto Anne’s hand as he forced a laugh. It was the fakest sound Anne had ever witnessed, her friend normally such a genuine soul. She stared at him feeling utterly harrowed, somehow knowing just how deep into despair Cole was at this moment. 

 

Ruby was still softly crying but she had hushed enough to listen. 

 

“It’s been bothering me lately, and I asked if he would look at it since he’s going to be a doctor. He needed to get really close to me. I’m sorry if you thought something else was happening, but it wasn’t, Ruby. We came because we didn’t want to upset you and we were worried about you.” Cole continued, his voice breaking near the end. 

 

Anne squeezed his hand tighter, feeling how he swayed against her.

 

“You were worried about me?” Ruby asked, her question directed to Gilbert. He was still standing silently, looking lost; looking like he didn’t have a clue where he was. 

 

As Ruby’s eyes met his, he cleared his throat and nodded. “Of course, Ruby. I don’t like seeing you cry.” 

 

“Oh, Gilbert.” Ruby gasped, shaking her head as she burst out giggling. “You had me  _ so  _ worried!” 

 

“We should go home now. The storm is only going to get worse.” Anne interrupted, motioning for everyone to go out the door. 

 

“Thank you, Gilbert. For coming to me and telling me the truth. I knew you weren’t disgusting. You were just helping someone because you’re really, really perfect. A doctor!” Ruby gushed, ignoring Anne and staring longingly at Gilbert who now looked as if he was going to be sick. 

 

“Ruby, get your stuff. Anne’s right. We need to go.” Diana said, nudging Ruby out of her obnoxious staring. All of the girls gathered their school belongings and followed the boys out of the shed. 

 

**

 

“Cole, why don’t you come over to Green Gables?” Anne asked over the wind, her arm linked through Cole’s. 

 

Gilbert nearly collapsed at the suggestion, wanting to go straight back to his house and sort things out. He knew Cole was hurting. He knew they were both shaken. But it made the most sense that they were the only ones who could put each other back together. 

 

“That sounds like a good idea.” Cole said quietly, and he watched on with Anne as Ruby and Diana waved, running off towards their houses. 

 

That left Gilbert, Anne and Cole alone on the trail. 

 

“Actually, Cole was at my house for a reason and we haven’t dealt with that yet. Shouldn’t we go back, Cole?” Gilbert asked, touching his friend lightly on the elbow. 

 

Once again, Cole moved away from his touch. 

 

“I’d like to spend some time with Anne. We sorted out my tooth, remember? I’ll gargle with some salt water like you suggested. Go home and study. That’s what doctors need to do.” Cole smiled, and suddenly he clapped Gilbert on the back - a gesture that Billy Andrews constantly did to Gilbert when he had been under the impression they were friends. 

 

Gilbert’s whole world felt like it was being flipped upside down. 

 

“I’ll bring the coat back to you.” 

 

And with those words, Cole steered Anne in the direction of Green Gables, leaving Gilbert shivering on the pathway all alone. 


	9. Compassion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning for abuse in this chapter between parent/child**

“Cole, it’s lovely to see you again.” Marilla greeted, wiping her hands clean on a towel as Anne and Cole walked through the door. 

 

“Hello, Mrs. Cuthbert.” Cole nodded, following Anne’s lead and taking off his shoes and coat; allowing Anne to take Gilbert’s father’s jacket and hang it next to hers. 

 

“Cole has some things to tell me, Marilla.” Anne began, her voice not giving anything away. “Can we go upstairs for awhile?” 

 

Cole could see how the older woman hesitated, probably not liking the idea of Anne being alone together with an older boy. But then her features softened as she looked at the red-haired girl in front of her, nodding at last. 

 

“Just for an hour or so, Anne. Then I imagine Cole’s parents will be expecting him home.” Marilla said, curtly turning on her heel and getting back to the house work. 

 

Anne grabbed Cole’s hand and ran upstairs, closing the door too loudly behind them when they were finally alone. 

 

“Cole. What’s going on?” 

 

Anne embraced him before he could protest or get any other words out. He hugged back lightly, trying his best to mould his lips into a smile before she pulled back to examine his face. 

 

“Nothing. Gilbert and I told you already.” 

 

“Nonsense! I don’t believe one word of it. I  _ know  _ you. Something else is wrong. Please, Cole. We’re kindred spirits.  _ Friends.  _ You can trust me.” Anne begged, sitting down on her bed. Cole joined her, sighing; wishing for once that Anne wasn’t so observant. 

 

“I can’t talk about it.” Cole finally stated, and it wasn’t a lie. He was well aware of how much of a secret he and Gilbert needed to keep. What they had between them was illegal. He knew the law. 

 

He’d always known the risk. 

 

Telling anyone else put both of them in danger. It would make things so much more complicated, no matter how much he trusted the girl in front of him. 

 

“I won’t tell a soul, I  _ promise _ . I can tell you’re burdened. I can tell your heart is aching. Every expression on your face is screaming out in agony.” Anne sighed, putting her hands against her heart. “I can be someone for you to tell and feel better, Cole.” 

 

“Anne, you have to stop this. If you only invited me over to interrogate me then it’s probably best I just leave.” Cole snapped, standing up and reaching for the door. 

 

“No. No. Please don’t go. I’m sorry.” Anne rushed to say, putting herself between the door and Cole. Her eyes looked emerald green in the overcast light coming in from the window, the wind howling hard against Green Gables’ walls.

 

“Can we just do something else? Pretend we’re in one of your make-believe worlds? I could use some distraction.” Cole asked, moving away to watch the snow being blown around in the cherry tree outside Anne’s bedroom. 

 

“Your wish is my command, Your Highness.” Anne giggled, immediately engaging her friend in a tale of adventure and knights, both of them on a journey to rescue a fair maiden and save the city of Camelot. 

 

**

 

Cole left Green Gables as the storm was still raging, wishing he had some sort of light source with him. The odds weren’t in his favour for the candle to remain lit, though. Not in this wind. 

 

Cole headed for home, bracing his shoulders; trying to keep his face warm. It wasn’t much use so he walked faster, his lungs crackling from the icy breeze. It hurt to inhale but he liked the distraction, liked the way his mind was entirely focused on how uncomfortable his whole body was. 

 

It was much preferred to imagining Gilbert’s face; what the brunette boy must be thinking right now. 

 

The candles were lit when he finally reached his house, the kitchen especially bright. He knew it was almost time for dinner; that his mother would have it nearly ready. His sisters would be running around upstairs, making too much noise and his father would be coming in from the fields soon if he hadn’t already due to the weather. 

 

Cole took in one last, painful breath before he sprinted towards the front door - ready to face whatever punishment awaited him. 

 

Karen whirled her head around when she heard the door opening, eyes like daggers when she looked at her oldest child. Cole shook snow out of his hair and bowed his head. 

 

“So. You’ve decided to finally face things like a man.” She quipped, turning and continuing to prepare the food; the scent rather heavenly. Cole could see some chickens and mashed potatoes, peas covered in butter his mother must have churned earlier. 

 

His stomach grumbled as he said, “Yes, mother.” 

 

“Your father is in the barn. A horse escaped earlier and he’s been fighting to get it to stay put all day. It’s been a waste, something that could have been avoided if you’d been here to help.” 

 

Cole nodded, still looking at the ground. He decided he wouldn’t move until he was instructed. He was already walking on dangerous ground as his mother brought the foot to the table, her body agitated. He was waiting for her to snap. 

 

“Danielle and Elizabeth! Come down here now.” Karen shouted, making Cole jump. His mother turned and looked at him, scoffing. “Delicate as a butterfly, aren’t you? Go and get your father. I’m sure he’ll have some things to say to you.” 

 

“Yes, mother.” 

 

Cole turned back and out the door, once again flinching from the cold wind. He ran to the barn, not taking his time - needing his punishment over already. 

 

His father Paul was sitting on a small stool used to milk cows, smoking his pipe and staring at the two horses who had been brought in because of the weather. The large barn door squeaked as Cole shut it behind him, walking with as much confidence as he could muster towards his father. 

 

“Dinner is ready, sir.” 

 

Paul didn’t look at his son; didn’t acknowledge him. Normally Cole would have turned back around and gone inside. His father wasn’t very much of a verbal man, never expressed himself that way. But Cole bowed his head like he had with his mother, waiting for his father to instruct him on what happened next. Paul stood up slowly, his bad knee cracking, and he squared his shoulders. 

 

The barn smelled of manure and hay, a familiar smell, and Cole breathed it in as he slid his eyes over to the animals. Their two horses were huffing, shaking their manes. The cows were standing still and staring off at the far wall, occasionally smacking their lips. Cole always liked being around animals alone. They were comforting and kind creatures. They never looked at him the way his father was now, eyes narrowed into tiny slits and his posture emulating his power; letting Cole know he had no control here. 

 

“Drop your pants.” Paul said gruffly, and Cole saw his father take his belt off from around his waist. 

 

Cole hadn’t had his backside whipped since he was about ten. Normally his father whipped the back of his hands or used his fists on Cole’s flesh above the waist. Getting hit on the backside was something reserved for younger children - a humiliating act for someone of fifteen. It was an act that made Cole realize how angry his father was; designed to show Cole how little his father thought of him. 

 

In Paul’s eyes, he was nothing but small. 

 

“I’ll go back to school. Tomorrow morning. I...I’m sorry.” Cole sputtered, backing up a step. He couldn’t help but try and defend himself, keep some of his dignity. 

 

He wasn’t a  _ child.  _ He wasn’t weak despite what his parents thought. 

 

“We’re past ‘sorry,’ boy. Drop your pants and don’t make me ask you again.” Paul said, his voice dark. He walked towards Cole, snapping the belt against his own palm - the loud smack ringing in Cole’s ears. 

 

He didn’t flinch this time, though. 

 

Cole reached to undo his pants, pulling them down and exposing his long underwear. His thighs were still freezing from walking home but now he was shaking with it, the barn not efficient at keeping out the cold. Paul was in front of him and waiting for Cole to turn around, expose his skin and brace himself for the pain. 

 

“I’m not a...child.” 

 

Paul turned his head to the side, considering. “No? Don’t children run away from their problems instead of facing them like a man? Don’t children think it’s okay to lie to their parents without consequences?” 

 

Cole gulped down the tears that were threatening to spill, suddenly hearing Gilbert’s voice drift into his mind.  _ You’re not pathetic. Wouldn’t your parents find some compassion for you if they knew the truth?  _

 

Knowing it was probably going to cost him, Cole took in a shaky breath and tried to be the person Gilbert thought he was. Someone brave and worthy. Someone who deserved to tell their side of the story. 

 

“The boys at school...they were bullying me. They were...always mean. And Mr. Phillips... _ hates  _ me, father. There were reasons I left.” 

 

Paul seemed surprised that his son was talking back to him, his lips twitching as he thought of a reply. Cole held his ground, looking into his father’s eyes rather than at the dirt floor. 

 

Just when Cole thought his father might talk to him - might actually show this compassion Gilbert was sure of finding - Paul let go of the belt and punched Cole on the right side of his face; his knuckles hitting Cole’s eye. 

 

Cole dropped to the ground, landing with a hard thud. The breath had been knocked out of him and he tried to push himself back up, but his father placed his foot on Cole’s side and rolled him onto his stomach. He began whipping Cole on his bottom a second later, not bothering to wait until Cole had pulled down his underwear. 

 

Cole yelled out in pain, letting himself cry, digging his fingers into the dark brown dirt that he could feel was slightly frozen. He clenched his teeth through the remaining ten whips, gasping in a first real breath when his father stepped away. 

 

“No dinner tonight. Go right up to your room and go to bed. School tomorrow in the morning. I don’t care what your face looks like.” Paul ordered, putting his belt back on as Cole attempted to stand up. 

 

He knew right away that his eye was already swelling. 

 

“If you ever do this again, you’re staying on this farm to help me. And it won’t be a walk in the park.” 

 

Paul walked out of the barn as Cole did up his pants and brushed some dirt off his front, trying to compose himself. 

 

**

 

His mother, father and sisters were at the table eating dinner when Cole came back inside. His parents didn’t acknowledge him, pretended he didn’t exist. Danielle and Elizabeth laughed at him as he walked through the kitchen and upstairs, whispering to each other before their mother told them to be quiet. Cole managed to wash his face and change clothes before he got under his covers, trying to find some warmth. 

 

His teeth clattered until he found sleep, dreaming of waking up next to someone - Gilbert's smiling face glad to see him; glad that Cole was his family. 


	10. Knights

Gilbert walked to school the next morning in almost darkness, the sun barely beginning to creep into the sky. They had gotten almost two more feet of snow due to the storm and Gilbert wondered if the school would actually be open. It could have sustained damage. But he wanted to go just in case Ms. Stacey was waiting for him. 

 

As he walked and rubbed his arms for warmth, his mind wandered to yesterday. He hadn’t been able to sleep well because of how dismissive Cole had been after they’d gone after the girls. He’d walked back home after Cole had gone with Anne and sat near the fire, his thoughts unmanageable. 

 

He wondered what he’d done wrong. He wondered what Cole was feeling; why he’d just walked away. Was he angry with Gilbert? Was he calling everything they had between them off? Was he worried the girls didn’t believe his story? 

 

Gilbert had woken up in the same sort of distress, unable to find sleep again when he’d awakened at four in the morning. He’d lit the fire, made coffee and some breakfast well before Bash was up. They’d had quiet conversation about nothing important before he’d left to go to school. 

 

As Gilbert approached the school he saw light through one of the main windows. He breathed a sigh of relief, excited to get inside where it would be warmer. A brilliant sunrise was beginning to peak over the horizon and for one moment he let himself feel excitement for the day ahead rather than dread. 

 

“Oh, Gilbert. I’m glad you’re here. I thought I might have to come and fetch you from your house to let you know the school was open today.” Ms. Stacey’s voice greeted him, sounding like she was back inside her own room near the back. 

 

“I’m glad I came by as well.” Gilbert said, wiping the snow off his boats and hesitating by the hooks. Normally he’d take his coat, scarf and hat off but he was still freezing so he marched into the main area of the school, attempting to sit at his desk. 

 

But he stopped only a second later, all that excitement he’d just felt dissolving, as he saw Cole and who he imagined was the blonde-haired boy’s parents come out of Ms. Stacey’s room - followed closely by Cole. Gilbert let out an involuntary whimper as he saw Cole’s eye - bruised and red, swollen shut. His mouth was set in a thin line. 

 

“Thank you for stopping by, Mr. and Mrs. Mackenzie. I’m looking forward to having Cole in the classroom.” Ms. Stacey addressed Cole’s parents, but the previous lightness to her voice while addressing Gilbert had vanished. Intead, she sounded distant. Angry. 

 

Exactly how Gilbert was feeling. 

 

“Thank you, Ms. Stacey. I’ll expect you every Friday near suppertime so you can update us on his progress. It’s a shame Mr. Phillips left. I’m hoping you’ll keep him in line.” Cole’s mother snapped, glancing only briefly at Gilbert before she exited the schoolhouse. 

 

Cole’s father lingered a moment as Cole sat down and got his books out, watching his son carefully. Ms. Stacey looked anxiously between Cole and his father, looking unsure as to what to say. 

 

“No more dinners together.” The older man suddenly stated, turning his attention to Gilbert. His brown eyes bore into Gilbert’s and it was enough to make Gilbert step back. 

 

“Excuse me?” 

 

“I know you and Cole have been getting together. That means you knew he wasn’t coming to school. And that tells me you’re not a friend to my son but just as much of a liar as he is. He don’t need to be associating with people like that.” The man continued, eyeing Gilbert up and down. “Are we clear?” 

 

Gilbert had balled his hands into fists and was trying to keep back all the words that were trying to come out of his mouth. He stared at the hateful man in front of him who had hurt his friend and was now trying to take away everything Cole held dear, and Gilbert despised him. He hated him with every cell in his body. 

 

“Yes, sir.” Gilbert said through clenched teeth, staying still as the man followed his wife out; slamming the door behind him. 

 

“Goodness.” Ms. Stacey sighed, kneeling down next to Cole’s desk. “Are you quite all right, Cole?” 

 

“Yes, ma’am. I’m fine.” Cole said, flashing their teacher a bright smile. “I’ll just be here catching up on the work you gave me.” 

 

Gilbert hung his head and closed his eyes. This was the most disingenuous he’d ever heard Cole sound. He knew Cole must be hurting, both physically and emotionally. He wished they were alone. He wished Cole would let him  _ help.  _

 

“Okay. Gilbert, let’s start.” Ms. Stacey said, smiling as she sat down in the desk next to Gilbert’s - two rows behind where Cole was sitting - and waited for him to join her. 

 

**

 

Gilbert couldn’t focus on what Ms. Stacey was saying. For nearly an hour, he stared at the back of Cole’s head. He watched Cole’s large hands write various things on his chalkboard, flip pages of several different books. He was so caught up in staring at another small bruise that had formed on the right side of Cole’s neck that he flinched when Ms. Stacey put her hand over his own. 

 

“Gilbert? Are you okay?” Ms. Stacey gasped, removing her hand and regarding him with wide eyes. “You’re quite pale.” 

 

Gilbert nodded, unable to miss how Cole had stopped writing and had ceased all movement. 

 

“Yes. Sorry. I...I didn’t sleep very well last night. I must not be...quite awake yet.” Gilbert mumbled, attempting to read the book that they’d been looking at together but he had no clue what their lesson had been this morning. 

 

Ms. Stacey didn’t say anything for a long minute, seemingly debating on what to do next. Finally, she stood up and closed the book, smiling down at Gilbert as she gathered up her materials. 

 

“I think that’s enough for this morning. How about I make us some tea, and you boys can have some time together to talk while I get ready for when the other pupils arrive?” 

 

She didn’t wait for Gilbert’s answer but rather walked over to Cole and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You deserve a break.” 

 

“I’ve missed a lot, Ms. Stacey. I think I’d rather keep going.” Cole stuttered, acting as if the idea of a break was a foreign concept. 

 

“I admire your dedication, Cole, but taking breaks is beneficial to your concentration. It won’t hurt to take ten minutes to yourself.” She said, her shoes clacking against the wood floor as she went to make some tea on the small stove she had in the teacher’s room. 

 

She hadn’t closed the door so Gilbert knew she could hear everything he or Cole said. But somehow it didn’t matter. He still got up and walked towards Cole, kneeling down in front of him and reaching for his friend’s hand. 

 

“Don’t.” Cole whispered, but he didn’t move away. He let Gilbert take his hand, feel the softness of his skin, and he closed his eyes as Gilbert brought his hand towards his chest. 

 

“Please let me.” 

 

Gilbert saw the tears that were forming in Cole’s eye that wasn’t bruised and the taller boy winced as some of them fell, the salty water enough to sting the red skin around his damaged eye. Gilbert knew enough of medicine to know the wound needed to be attended to - that it hadn’t been properly cleaned. But he had nothing with him to do this. 

 

“I wish I had been there with you. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened.” Gilbert said, glancing at the door to the teacher’s room. 

 

He knew it was risky and foolish, but Gilbert brought Cole’s hand up from his chest and lightly kissed the top of his hand, trailing more soft kisses along the knuckles on his fingers. This only made Cole cry harder. 

 

“I’m sorry, Gil. I...I was mean to you.” 

 

“No. Don’t say that. I don’t want you to worry about anything right now, Cole.” Gilbert said, but relief flooded his insides. He couldn’t think of words to describe how happy he was that this friendship - this  _ love  _ \- between them wasn’t lost. 

 

“Here we go.” Ms. Stacey called from her room, giving Gilbert enough time to stand up and let go of Cole’s hand. He leaned against Cole’s desk as if they had just been talking and flashed their teacher a smile when she brought out two teacups. “Nothing like a hot drink on a cold day.” 

 

“Thank you, Miss.” Cole said, all trace of his earlier tears gone. 

 

“Well, you boys drink your tea and I’ll just be back there preparing. Call if you need something.” She said, turning on her heel and walking back to her room. 

 

This time she closed the door. 

 

“Your father is a monster.” Gilbert said, putting his teacup down and reaching out to tilt Cole’s head to the side; getting close enough to really see the aftermath of what was an obvious punch to the face. 

 

“I don’t want to talk about him, Gil. Can we…” Cole mumbled, his voice so low Gilbert almost didn’t hear. Cole stood up from his desk and put himself right in front of Gilbert so quickly that the brunette had no choice but to spread his legs where he was perched on top of the desk to accommodate Cole’s body. 

 

Gilbert put his hands on Cole’s waist to steady himself, not wanting to fall backwards. Cole wrapped his arms around Gilbert and brought their bodies together, chest to chest. Gilbert could feel how insistent Cole was, how his body was trembling as he kept moving his hands, unable to decide where to place them. He rubbed Gilbert’s back and then his neck, moved around his sides before finally settling on Gilbert’s waist and pulling the shorter boy into him rather forcefully. 

 

Gilbert let out a small gasp. 

 

Cole grasped on to the hair on the back of Gilbert’s neck with his right hand and pulled, moving away so he could see Gilbert properly. Their mouths were close enough that Gilbert could feel the warmth of the other boy’s breath, smell the tea on his tongue. 

 

A feeling of  _ want  _ was tugging somewhere deep inside of him and making his head dizzy. He waited though, knowing Cole needed something. He wasn’t quite sure what it was yet, but at this very moment he wanted to give whatever was asked of him. 

 

Cole moved forward and kissed Gilbert, immediately moving his mouth against his friend, almost shoving his way in. Gilbert reciprocated, unknowingly wrapping his legs around Cole’s thighs and bringing his own hands up to Cole’s broad shoulders as they continued to kiss. 

 

It was different then what they’d shared yesterday. They were more physical, more desperate, and Cole hesitantly licked the top of Gilbert’s lips - forcing a whine out of him. 

 

“I’m...sorry.” Cole whispered, pulling away enough to say the words but not releasing his hold on the other boy. Gilbert shook his head, wishing Cole hadn’t stopped; wanting to continue. 

 

“It’s okay. I...I want…” 

 

The door to the school opened, laughter from at least two other pupils rushing into the room with some cold air. The two boys separated with such startled gestures it was as if they’d been burned, returning to their desks before any of the other students noticed them at all. 

 

Before Gilbert took his seat he glanced to the coat room, rolling his eyes at who he saw. Of course it would be Billy Andrews. 

 

“Mackenzie. Decided to join us again?” Billy called, scoffing as he put his books on his desk. He sat near the back of the boy’s side of the room, a row behind Gilbert. Cole was facing the blackboard, his face hidden. 

 

“Mind your own business.” Gilbert snapped, turning and glaring at Billy. 

 

“Hey. Just trying to welcome him back. I’m being friendly, Blythe.” Billy said, putting his hands up as if that proved his innocent intentions. 

 

Gilbert turned back around, realizing as he looked at Cole that his hair was tussled; evidence that Gilbert’s hands had been through the strands mere minutes earlier. He felt himself blush as he checked on his own curls, not wanting to give Billy a reason to tease. 

 

“Whoa. That’s some shiner you got there, Cole.” Billy chuckled, somehow standing at the front of the school now - gazing at Cole with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Gilbert hadn’t noticed Billy move, too preoccupied with how wonderful it had been to kiss Cole as they had. 

 

Cole said nothing and kept his head down, trying to read his book. Gilbert was ready to do something - fight if necessary - but Billy simply shrugged, bored by Cole’s lack of response. He went to sit down as more students arrived, hanging their coats and coming in. 

 

Anne and Diana arrived a short time later, caught up in some tale they’d made up during their walk through the forest. Gilbert smiled as he turned to greet them, still in awe of Anne’s imagination. 

 

“Can you even spell imagination, Gilbert?” Anne quipped, jutting out her chin proudly. But she smirked at him, not really teasing in a mean way. 

 

“Can  _ you?”  _ Gilbert asked, lifting an eyebrow. 

 

Anne looked like she had a comeback ready but then she looked beyond Gilbert, her eyes widening, and she brushed past him. He turned in time to see Anne with her arms around Cole, standing next to his desk. Cole was standing as well, returning the hug. 

 

“What happened? Who did this to you?” Anne asked, sounding as shocked and horrified as Gilbert felt. 

 

“Anne, just leave it alone.” Cole pleaded, shaking his head. “I don’t want to…” 

 

“It was your father, wasn’t it? How  _ dare  _ he! Does he think this is some kind of solution? Did he even acknowledge your suffering under Mr. Phillips?” Anne demanded, but Gilbert saw Diana clutch her friend’s wrist - stopping her rant. 

 

“Cole said he wants to talk about something else. Let’s try and cheer him up. Come on, Gilbert. We have some time before class starts.” Diana smiled, motioning for Gilbert to join them. “I have to say I’m pleased to see you back, Cole. We’ve all missed you.” 

 

“I’ll second that.” Gilbert cut in, the four of them standing in a circle now. He stared at Cole, watching how the blonde smiled. 

 

“Of course I missed you, too. If I were a man I would do something about this. How you’ve been treated is deeply unfair. If I were a knight - like the ones in our story yesterday - I would ride on my horse to your father’s house and duel with him. Sword fighting. Of course I’d win against him and he’d beg forgiveness on his knees like the coward he is. I’d take you to my castle afterwards where we could rule together. Gosh, that would be wonderful, wouldn’t it? Diana, you could be a knight as well!” 

 

Anne rambled and nobody intervened, everyone smiling at how easily she was able to distract - envelope them with her words. Gilbert imagined himself on a white horse, dressed in armour, showing up at Cole’s house and putting a sword to Mr. Mackenzie’s throat. He wouldn’t hurt him, just make sure he knew that he would never lay a finger on Cole again. 

 

Gilbert kept that thought in mind as Ms. Stacey came out and told everyone to put the desks to the sides of the class so they could all sit in the middle together, engaged in what she had planned to show them. 

 


	11. Secrets and Tricks

Cole’s first day back went as smoothly as possible. Billy kept his distance and Cole spent most of the day with Gilbert, Anne and Diana when they weren’t being taught by Ms. Stacey. A few people whispered about Cole's eye but nobody was mean and he was grateful for that. 

 

Cole was grateful to be back because Ms. Stacey was the exact opposite of Mr. Phillips. She was kind and engaging and made Cole excited about what they were learning. She didn’t meanly tease any of the pupils and checked on Cole all day, but never in front of the other students. She never singled him out to make a point of asking if he was all right. 

 

Mostly Cole admired her because she wasn’t at all pleased while talking to his parents this morning. They’d stormed in right after she arrived, demanding that he be kept under her watchful eye. Ms. Stacey agreed to their demands but kept her gaze mostly on Cole, her mouth turning down at the sides in sympathy. 

 

As the school day approached its end, Cole was on edge. He didn’t want the day to be over. He wanted it to go on forever. Well, he mostly didn’t want to go home. Not where his parents lived. 

 

He wanted to go home with  _ Gilbert.  _

 

Cole had been blushing all day, unable to keep his mind from wandering to their kiss this morning. He couldn’t get over how forceful he’d been, how much he’d wanted Gilbert close to him. His whole body felt...alive. Which sounded dumb in his own head as he thought it because of course he was alive. 

 

But day to day, he never stopped to really think about the fact that he was living. He never gazed at flowers or walked through the forest and felt a surge of wonder the way Anne did. Even when his heart was hammering against his ribs when he was sprinting somewhere - he never really said to himself, “in this moment I feel alive.” 

 

That had all changed when Gilbert knelt before him and kissed his hand, when he’d said so many amazing things to Cole. When he’d  _ forgiven  _ Cole for pushing him away yesterday. 

 

As Cole had realized that Gilbert still wanted him, still  _ loved  _ him, he’d felt alive. And he’d felt grateful to be alive for the first time in his life. 

 

Cole kept catching Gilbert’s eye throughout the day, whether it was when he turned around and glanced at him, or looking across at each other during lunch time when they sat on the floor with Anne and Diana. They grinned secretly, quickly looking away to not draw attention to themselves. But Cole’s whole body felt lighter with just an exchanged a look - so much reassurance in Gilbert’s smile. 

 

“I’ll see you all tomorrow.” Ms. Stacey smiled, asking them to put the desks in their proper places before leaving for the day. 

 

Cole and Gilbert made a point of staying behind, letting everyone else go out first. 

 

“Aren’t you coming?” Anne asked, frowning at them as she put her coat on. Diana hovered behind her, looking equally as curious. 

 

“I have to go straight home. My parents’ orders.” Cole said sadly, and he watched as her face fell. 

 

“Okay. It’s not forever though, right? Think of when we’ll be able to go back to the shed together. It’ll be the best day of our lives.” Anne smiled, kissing Cole’s cheek and waving at Gilbert before her and Diana left. 

 

“She’s right, you know.” Ms. Stacey said, sitting down on the table top of one of the desks. “Punishments aren’t forever, despite how unfair they may be.” 

 

Cole smiled at her, feeling like he wanted to cry tears of joy over the fact that she was their teacher. At least coming to school would be bearable. He could actually look forward to it. 

 

School wasn’t the punishment. 

 

Going back to his house was. 

 

“Do you boys want some more tea? We could make a habit of this. Tea before school and after.” She chuckled kindly, already up on her feet and walking towards the teacher’s room. 

 

“Thank you. Again.” Gilbert called, and she tutted at his gratitude. 

 

“It’s the easiest thing in the world.” She shouted back, making Gilbert smile at his friend. 

 

Cole knew that wasn’t true, though. Most teachers wouldn’t do this for their students, making them tea. Going out of their way for people they considered children. Adults were never this kind. 

 

Or maybe that was just all the adults in Cole’s life up until this point. 

 

Part of Cole was also convinced their teacher was doing this on purpose - making sure he and Gilbert had some time together. Perhaps it was because their friendship had basically been forbidden by Cole’s father. Maybe Ms. Stacey objected to that request. Maybe she could see how good of a friend Gilbert was. She must have some sense of his character, considering she was tutoring him to become a doctor. 

 

“There we are.” She beamed, setting two cups down in front of them. “We won’t mention this to your parents, Cole. Our secret.” 

 

She winked at them both before walking back to her room and closing the door. Cole wanted to run back to her and hug her. 

 

Come to think of it, she’d probably  _ let  _ him. 

 

“How long can you stay?” Gilbert asked, not bothering with the tea and instead coming close to Cole - wrapping him in his arms. 

 

Cole hugged back, thankful that Gilbert seemed to notice that he needed a hug of some kind. Cole wouldn’t have minded a hug from Ms. Stacey, but he’d always prefer Gilbert’s hugs to anyone else’s. 

 

“Only a few minutes. Straight home is the command I’ve been demanded to follow.” Cole whispered, trying to hang on to the feeling of wanting to be alive. He wanted to hug Gilbert until it was the only thing he remembered how to be; excited and thrilled, never wanting the next second to end. 

 

“We better make these minutes count then.” 

 

“If we just do this for ten minutes, it’ll be the best ten minutes of my life.” Cole said honestly, chuckling at how much he probably sounded like Anne. 

 

Gilbert just hugged him tighter and Cole thought to himself that maybe everyone should think and say things like Anne more often. It was a much nicer way to be. 

 

**

 

The next day, Anne and Diana came into school looking horrendously upset about something. Cole had never seen Anne look so caught in ‘the depths of despair’ as she would say, and he made his way over to her before the lesson started.    
  


“What’s the matter?” 

 

“Oh, Cole. We’ve received the worst news I’m afraid.” Anne sighed, linking arms with Diana. 

 

“My Aunt Josephine is hosting a ball this weekend, but my father is sick and now we aren’t going. Anne was supposed to come too, but Marilla isn’t allowing her to go. It’s just wretched.” 

 

“I’m sorry. A ball sounds...really fun, to be honest.” Cole admitted. 

 

“Who’s having a ball?” Gilbert asked, quick to join their group and flash everyone a smile. Cole couldn’t help but linger on the sight of Gilbert’s pink mouth, Anne and Diana oblivious to his thoughts. 

 

Cole could still taste Gilbert on his lips. He could still feel his thighs shaking from being pushed up against the schoolhouse wall, Gilbert in front of him. They were trying to be quiet, not wanting Ms. Stacey to come out and find them. 

 

_ “I don’t know what I’m doing, Cole.” Gilbert had whispered desperately, hands running through Cole’s hair. They were chest to chest, thigh to thigh, and nothing had ever felt better.  _

 

_ “Anything. Just do anything.”  _

 

“My aunt is hosting it in Charlottetown, but we can’t go. Marilla said no, and my father is sick so even I won’t be going. We’ll just have to forget all about it.” Diana pouted, flicking the hair off her shoulder. 

 

Gilbert frowned, looking like he was thinking deeply about something. Cole smirked at how adorable he looked, wishing he could say so out loud. But he made himself stay quiet. 

 

“Diana, I might have an idea how this would all work. But Cole and I would have to join you.” Gilbert suddenly said, looking excited. 

 

“Really?! Tell us quick!” Anne gasped, leaning in closer as Gilbert began to explain how four teenagers were going to trick their families. 


	12. Respect

“Paid work?” Paul asked, not making eye contact at Anne, Diana or his son as he moved hay in the barn. Cole was digging his nails into his palm, trying to keep his nerves at bay. 

 

“Yes. My aunt is in need of some help and Cole suits the position perfectly. He will be well compensated for his time.” Diana explained, ever so sweetly. Cole couldn’t help but admire her for being so elegant. She was flawlessly good at speaking to people, even adults. 

 

“What about his face? Won’t that be a problem?” Paul stated gruffly, his eyes flashing to his son and the yellowing bruise on his eye. Cole immediately looked to the ground. 

 

Diana coughed, glancing timidly at Cole. “No. It shouldn’t be a problem.” 

 

“Well, all right then. As long as you can assure me, young lady, that this...Gilbert Blythe will not be attending. Cole isn’t to see him no more.” 

 

“Gilbert Blythe is a  _ perfectly _ respectable…” Anne began, her cheeks as red as her hair. Diana grabbed Anne’s wrist before she could continue. 

 

“No. He will not be there, sir. He isn’t invited.” 

 

Paul stared at Anne as if he was waiting for her to begin speaking again. But Anne held her tongue. The challenge in her eyes, however, never went away. 

 

“Thank you, father. I’ll give you my earnings when we return on Sunday.” 

 

Cole turned on his heel before his father could say anything else, Anne and Diana following. When they were out of ear shot of Cole’s family, the girls began squealing with delight and Cole couldn’t help but join in. 

 

“Now we just have to convince Marilla that Cole and Gilbert are good enough chaperones! I have a feeling we will win over her heart. She’ll have to see that a ball is simply the most  _ wonderful  _ thing that could happen to us in our young lives. It will invigorate our souls! Let’s go!” Anne laughed, practically dragging her friends down the pathway that led them to Green Gables. 

 

**

 

“I’ll leave the decision to you, Michael.” Marilla said, a hand over her eyes as if she was trying to block out the sunlight streaming through the windows. 

 

Anne gasped quietly, looking back and forth between Marilla and Matthew. Diana and Cole stood awkwardly in the silence of the kitchen, not knowing what to do. 

 

“ _ Matthew.”  _ Marilla corrected herself, standing up unsteadily and heading into the living room. The three teenagers looked at the elderly man, who was staring after his sister. 

 

“Um...I will...allow it.” Matthew nodded, getting up from his spot and touching Anne’s shoulder lightly before disappearing into the other room. 

 

“We’re going.  _ We’re going!”  _ Diana exclaimed, jumping up and down excitedly. Anne smiled and jumped with her, apparently forgetting the bizarre way Marilla had mixed up her brothers’ names. Cole wanted to comment on it, perhaps suggest that they check on Marilla. But Matthew could care for his sister, he was sure. 

 

So he jumped up and down too, suddenly overwhelmed with happiness at the idea of spending an entire weekend away from his house. 

 

With Gilbert. 

 

**

 

“I can’t believe it worked.” Gilbert smiled, wrapping his arms around Cole and holding him close. It was their time to be alone, the fire blazing warmly in the middle of the schoolhouse; Miss Stacey tucked into her teacher’s room. 

 

Cole was coming to realize how safe he felt during these times. The sun was barely blinking over the horizon. The birds were chirping happily. They had two cups of tea in front of them. And Gilbert could be as close to him as he wanted. They didn’t have to be afraid. 

 

“I know. Gil, I’m so excited.” Cole said, rubbing his hands up and down Gilbert’s strong back. 

 

“Me too. Do you have an outfit to wear? If you don’t, we should go and get you one today after school. We could…” 

 

Cole’s heart sank as he interrupted. “We can’t, remember? I’m not allowed to go anywhere.”

 

Gilbert’s cheeks turned pink and he brought his hands up to either side of Cole’s face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.” 

 

“It’s fine.” 

 

“It’s  _ not  _ fine. I want to go places with you. I want...I want you back in my house. It’s weird without you there.” Gilbert whispered, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on Cole’s mouth. 

 

Cole couldn’t help how he instantly wanted to continue the kissing; bring their bodies closer together. It was becoming his favourite thing. 

 

“Someday. I won’t be a prisoner forever.” Cole said, boldly placing his hand on the back of Gilbert’s neck and pulling. “Now, kiss me again. I don’t want to think about all that. We have right now.” 

 

Gilbert made a small  _ ugh  _ noise before their mouths met again. Cole was consumed by it, hyper-focused on everything about Gilbert. All the sounds and touches. The entire world could be burning to the ground, but if Gilbert was kissing him during it, he doubted he would even notice. 

 

**

 

“Diana and I will be picking Cole up before Gilbert, obviously, and then we’ll head to the train station. I can’t believe we’ll be spending the whole weekend in Charlottetown! Isn’t it just divine?” Anne sighed, eating her sandwich. Cole smirked at the tiny pieces of bread stuck in her front teeth due to her enthusiastic talking and no breaks to have water. 

 

They were sitting underneath the chalkboard at the front of the school during lunch. Cole couldn’t help but look at Gilbert who was sitting down with Moody to help him with his geometry. Gilbert caught his eye and winked at him. 

 

“Aunt Josephine’s parties are infamous. I can’t wait to find out why.” Diana smiled, leaning closer to Cole. “I’m glad you’re coming. You deserve to have some fun.” 

 

Cole wrapped her in a hug because he was overwhelmed with gratitude for her kindness. 

 

“Thanks, Diana.” 

 

As Cole let her go, he heard footsteps heading towards them from near the coatroom. He turned to look, imagining it was one of the other girls come to sit with them, but he froze when he saw Billy standing above them. 

 

“You’re back to your old ways huh, Mackenzie? Sitting with the girls and doing girly things?” Billy sneered, kneeling down right next to Cole’s face. 

 

“Go find something else to do, Billy.” Anne snapped, putting her food down. “Your clear lack of originality when it comes to teasing is bordering on pitiful now.” 

 

A few people around them made ‘oooh’ sounds, egging on both Anne and Billy to keep throwing words at each other. Cole shook his head fiercely at Anne but she ignored him. 

 

“You know, it really makes sense that you’re friends with Cole. Freaks attract other freaks, I guess.” Billy laughed, a chorus of his friends’ laughter echoing around them. 

 

Cole rolled his eyes. “Just go away. We’re not bothering you. Why bother us?” 

 

“You bother me by existing.” 

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Cole saw Gilbert stand up from his desk. He was making his way over, rage in his eyes - completely intent on doing something to Billy to make him be quiet - but their teacher got there first. 

 

“That will be quite enough, young man.” Miss Stacey interrupted, pulling Billy by his arm up from his kneeling position and dragging him to the front of the room. “Everybody, gather around. I’m ending lunch early.” 

 

Everyone had gone completely silent. The students did as instructed and stood around Billy and Miss Stacey, looking to one another with confused expressions. Billy had turned white as a sheet, staring at his peers. For once in his life,  _ he _ was the one who looked scared. 

 

“Good. I want you all to listen up because this might just be one of the most important lessons you will ever learn.” Miss Stacey announced, clearing her throat and pointing at Billy. 

 

“You do not put down others to make yourself feel big. Words are more powerful than you think, Billy. The way you speak to people affects them greatly, and you are not a better person for constantly teasing others. If anything, it makes you weaker. It makes you more vulnerable. It shows to others that you don’t like yourself very much. By being rude, you isolate yourself. People fear you rather than respect you and if you don’t change this now, you will live the rest of your life believing people respect you when really they loathe the ground you walk on.” 

 

Cole imagined that if he liked girls at all, he would have fallen in love with Miss Stacey right then and there. 

 

“I...That’s not…” Billy stammered, unable to look anyone in the eye. 

 

“You will apologize to Anne and Cole.” 

 

Billy swallowed hard and still staring at the ground he mumbled, “Sorry.” 

 

“No. Not good enough. You will write them each a two page long apology, explaining how you will treat them and everyone else in this school going forward. You will reflect on your actions and why it is you feel the need to bully others, and I will not settle for anything less than that.” 

 

“Oh, Miss Stacey!” Anne said happily, clapping her hands together and staring in awe at her. 

 

“Miss, that’s  _ unreasonable.”  _ Billy objected, finally managing to look at Miss Stacey. His cheeks were bright red. 

 

“Oh you think so? Perhaps we should discuss the matter with your parents over the weekend and you can tell them exactly how unreasonable it is.” 

 

Cole was fighting the urge to cheer. He felt Gilbert move through the crowd of students until he was standing behind Cole, running his fingers over the crease of Cole’s elbow. 

 

Billy’s mouth was hanging open in shock, staring at Miss Stacey as if she was going to magically change her mind. But she stood her ground and raised her eyebrows, clearly expecting an answer before the rest of the day would continue. 

 

“Fine. I’ll write the papers.” 

 

“Great! I expect them on my desk first thing Monday. Okay everyone, let’s move on to Geography!” 

 

**

 

“See you tomorrow.” Anne beamed, hugging Cole with all her strength and knocking the wind right out of him. He smiled back though, watching as Diana and Anne linked arms and walked out of the schoolhouse, leaving him and Gilbert alone once again with Miss Stacey. 

 

“Ten minutes, boys, and then we’ll head over to your house Cole. I have excellent news to share with your parents about how this week has gone.” Miss Stacey smiled, walking swiftly towards her room and closing the door behind her. 

 

Gilbert rushed over to him almost immediately. “The look on Billy’s face! I wanted to laugh so badly!” 

 

“It was perfect.” Cole agreed, placing small kisses along Gilbert’s jaw. 

 

“Mr. Philips should have done this months ago.” 

 

“Kiss me?” 

 

Gilbert smiled, pulling Cole towards him and doing just that.

 

**

 

Cole watched Gilbert walked off towards his house as he and Miss Stacey headed towards his farm. He hated how much his stomach sank at the thought of going home. But then he remembered tomorrow he wouldn’t be on the farm, working all day, and his spirits instantly brightened. 

 

“Thank you for doing that today. I...I really appreciate it.” Cole said, smiling at his teacher. She smiled right back and linked their arms together as they strolled, the sun beginning to set. 

 

“Billy should have been held accountable for his actions a long time ago. I’m sorry it’s taken so long. But I have faith he can change. Anyone can if they set their mind to it.” 

 

Cole sighed, seeing the barn over the field. “I don’t think my parents can change, Miss.” 

 

She held onto his arm tighter. “I know it seems that way, Cole. And to be honest, I don’t think you’ve deserved what they did to you. Especially not your eye. But unfortunately I’m in a limited group of people who believe physical punishment does absolutely nothing to enforce rules or to gain respect. It only makes people afraid.” 

 

“And loathe the ground the person walks on?” Cole asked, hinting at her earlier speech. They both chuckled. 

 

“Well, yes. I would say that’s an accurate description of how I feel towards anyone who ever hit me or teased me. I don’t respect them one bit.” 

 

“I don’t respect my parents at all. And if I ever have kids, I won’t hit them. I don’t think I ever could.” Cole said honestly. 

 

“That makes you so much stronger already, Cole. You’re already so much better than them. And that makes me so proud of you.” Miss Stacey said, unlinking their arms as they walked up to the front porch of Cole’s house. 

 

Cole could see his parents sitting in the kitchen, their heads turning towards them as they heard their footsteps. Miss Stacey gave Cole one more reassuring glance before they went inside. 


	13. Overwhelmed

“Blythe, I wasn’t invited. I can’t just show up to an old white lady’s party and expect to be welcomed.” Bash said, shaking his head as they ate dinner. 

 

Gilbert sighed because on some level he knew his friend was right. He knew bringing Bash anywhere would be deemed inappropriate to a lot of people in Avonlea or Charlottetown. But this was Aunt Josephine, and from what Gilbert knew of her from Diana, he believed she would be one of the only accepting people in their province. 

 

“Diana told me it would be fine. There will be other coloured people there too.” Gilbert insisted. 

 

Bash snorted. “Yeah. They’ll be there as the help.” 

 

“No. As  _ guests _ . I already asked Diana all this. The waiters and cooks, butlers and hired help are all white. Apparently Josephine is quite progressive in that area.” 

 

Bash looked doubtful, as if Gilbert was playing a joke on him. His eyes were hooded and he kept his head down, chewing silently. 

 

“I want you to be there with me, Bash. You’re my friend. My co-owner of the farm. You have every right to be there.” 

 

“Not everyone is as forward-thinking as you. Or this Josephine woman. You don’t understand how unsafe it could be.” 

 

Gilbert nodded, trying to pick his next words carefully. “I may not fully understand the daily threat you face when you step into any part of town, but I do understand that you  _ will  _ be welcomed there. Take tonight to decide. We’re not leaving until late morning tomorrow.” 

 

“Fine. Now let me finish my meal in peace.” He quipped, throwing Gilbert a smile. They laughed together as they finished supper, both heading to sleep earlier than normal. 

 

Gilbert was thrumming with excitement when his head hit the pillow. He was smiling so hard his cheeks were hurting, Cole’s face appearing behind his eyes. He couldn’t wait for the days ahead. He couldn’t believe he got all this time with Cole again. 

 

It felt too amazing to be true. 

 

He fell asleep with  _ I see Cole tomorrow, I see Cole tomorrow  _ running through his mind. 

 

**

 

“Okay. I’ve made my decision. I’ll accompany you to this ball. But I ain’t wearing any fancy dancy clothes, you hear?” Bash said as a greeting the next morning, sitting down at the kitchen table already wearing his finest clothes. 

 

Gilbert smiled from ear to ear. 

 

“Noted. Diana, Anne and Cole should be here any moment now.” 

 

Ten minutes later, the tell-tale noises of the carriage came towards Gilbert’s house, Anne’s laughter loud as they pulled up. Gilbert grabbed his bags as well as Bash’s and practically ran out the door. 

 

Anne and Diana waved to him while Cole jumped down from his seat with a huge grin on his face. Gilbert couldn’t contain his excitement. He couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Without bothering to care if it seemed bizarre, he reached up and wrapped Cole in a huge hug. 

 

Cole returned it, laughing into his ear. 

 

“Blythe, are you going to start jumping next?” Bash teased, nodding at Anne and Cole. He hesitated when he saw Diana though, bowing his head in introduction. 

 

“Diana, this is Sebastian.” Anne said, her crooked teeth on display as she smiled brightly at him. 

 

“It’s a pleasure. I’m so glad you decided to come.” Diana said. 

 

“Thank you for the invitation.” Bash said, climbing up into the carriage. “Don’t be making us late now, Gil. Let go’a that boy and get yourselves up ‘er.” 

 

Gilbert reluctantly let go of Cole, smiling at him again as he walked to the carriage and got himself up on it. Cole followed, squishing tightly against him as they began to ride to the train station. 

 

**

 

They reached Charlottetown by late afternoon. Gilbert had stayed next to Cole the entire train ride, feeling the warmth of his arm bleed through to his own. Gilbert basked in how nice it was to spend multiple hours in a row with Cole again. He’d missed it terribly. 

 

As their group got out of the train, Cole lingered behind the girls and Bash, glancing around to make sure nobody was looking. Gilbert raised his eyebrows in expectation, not knowing what Cole was up to. 

 

Cole quickly took Gilbert’s hand in his, brought it to his mouth, and kissed his palm. His cheeks immediately turned pink as he held onto Gilbert’s hand a second longer before turning to exit the train car. 

 

“You’re cute.” Gilbert said, squeezing his hand tightly back before he was forced to let go. They got out and joined the rest of their friends who had found Rollings, Josephine’s butler, waiting for them. 

 

“Is this all the luggage then?” Rollings asked, gazing at each of their bags. 

 

“Indeed.” Diana nodded. 

 

“Great. Please come this way.” The older man said, gesturing for them to follow him. Diana and Anne linked arms the way they always did. Bash followed them and before Cole could protest, Gilbert wrapped his arm around Cole’s shoulders and pulled him close. 

 

“Gil, maybe we shouldn’t…” Cole said, looking around them at the other people who’d gotten off the train. But nobody was paying them any mind. 

 

“It’s just an arm around your shoulders.” Gilbert whispered, lowering his arm and putting it around Cole’s waist this time. He felt the other boy tense up further, hissing through his teeth due to nerves. “And now it’s just an arm around your waist.” 

 

Cole was about to protest yet again but Gilbert brought his hand away entirely, seeing that they had reached their carriage. Rollings opened the door for them before taking their luggage and securing it. 

 

Gilbert winked at Cole who looked exasperated now, jumping into their very nice, expensive ride to Aunt Josephine’s. 

 

**

 

“Welcome, welcome my dears!” Josephine exclaimed, greeting them at the door. She hugged Diana, kissed her forehead and then turned to the others. 

 

“It’s lovely to see you again, Miss Berry.” Anne said, rushing into a hug of her own. Josephine chuckled at her enthusiasm, rubbing her back.

 

“And who are these strapping young lads?” 

 

“This is Sebastian, Cole and Gilbert.” Anne said, turning towards them and pointing at them as she said their names. “We wouldn’t have been able to come without their help. They’re our heroes.”

 

“I think that’s an exaggeration, but I’m happy to be here all the same.” Cole said, taking Josephine’s hand and shaking it. 

 

“Me as well.” Gilbert added, also shaking her hand. 

 

Sebastian looked uncomfortable as he stood in the door. He was frowning as Josephine reached to shake his hand too; as if he was thinking she was about to change her mind or suddenly realize he wasn’t white and kick him out. Gilbert nudged Bash on the arm, indicating for him to greet their host. 

 

“Uh, yes. I...am  _ also  _ glad to be here, ma’am. Your house is quite...lovely.” Bash rushed to say, clearing his throat and finally returning the handshake. 

 

“Oh, thank you Sebastian. Please come in. You’re  _ most  _ welcome.” Josephine smiled, putting her arm through Bash’s and leading them into the main hall. 

 

Bash looked at Gilbert with wide eyes, indicating his utter confusion, but he followed Josephine nonetheless. Gilbert, Cole, Anne and Diana all stifled their laughter at his reaction. 

 

As they entered the hall, everyone looked up at the endless streams of flowers hung from the ceiling. Several people who worked for Josephine were setting things up as well, wiping down the grand piano and bringing out silver trays that would soon hold lots of food. Once Gilbert was finished staring in wonder at the room, he looked over and saw an equally thrilled expression on Cole’s face. 

 

“This is exquisite!” Anne gushed, clutching her arms to her chest. “Miss Berry, how marvelous this party is going to be!” 

 

“It’s quite the event.” Rollings said, spritely walking towards them. “Miss Berry goes to great lengths to get people through the bleak winter.” 

 

“I can’t take all the credit. This was definitely Gertrude’s night. She looked forward to it all year long.” Josephine said with a sigh. 

 

“I’m glad you’re holding it again this year.” Diana smiled, taking her aunt’s hand. 

 

“I am too, my dear. Why don’t you head upstairs and relax a little before dinner? Girls, you’ll be sharing a room. Cole and Gilbert you will share another. And Sebastian since you’re older, I had the adult guest bedroom prepared just for you with an en suite bathroom.” Josephine explained, taking them around to the staircase. 

 

Bash had the same startled look on his face, his mouth now fully agape. Josephine seemed to finally notice his hesitation and she turned to him. 

 

“Is something the matter?” 

 

Gilbert came to Bash’s side, touching his shoulder. “Are you okay?” 

 

“I’m fine, Blythe. I’m very, very fine thanks to this incredibly nice lady.” Bash said, chuckling a little bit hysterically. “Miss Berry, you are perhaps the nicest white lady I have met in my whole life. Please accept my thanks. And forgive me for being so...so...overwhelmed.” 

 

Everyone couldn’t help but giggle after that, Josephine quickly hugging Sebastian a moment later. They all climbed the stairs and headed to their rooms, promising to meet each other back downstairs in half an hour for supper. 

 

Cole walked into their room first. Gilbert felt the need to walk Bash to his own room since he was still in a state of shock. His room was two doors down from his and Cole’s. He practically pushed his friend through the door, telling him to rest up and then he headed back to his room. 

 

When he came back inside, he found that Cole had barely walked into the large room. He was still mostly in the doorway. He hadn’t put his bag down or taken his coat off. He was simply standing there. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Gilbert asked, suddenly worried. He put a hand on Cole’s elbow. 

 

“Nothing. But...there’s only one bed.” 

 

Gilbert finally looked around the room and realized that Cole was right. There was only one large bed against the back wall. There would be plenty of room for them to share, though. It’s not like they’d be short on space. 

 

Gilbert closed the door and put his bag down. He smiled as he took Cole’s hand and tugged him over to the bed. 

 

“Lie down with me?” 

 


	14. I Choose You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story so far had been PG, but this chapter is where things start heading into PG-13 territory. If that's not for you, head back now! :)

Cole’s heart was in his throat as Gilbert sat on the bed, indicating for Cole to join him. He clutched onto Cole’s hand, running his fingers along the pulse point of his wrist. 

 

“What if someone walks in?” Cole asked, glancing behind him. He didn’t miss the way Gilbert’s happy smile faltered.  

 

Cole couldn’t help that he’d been on edge since leaving his farm that morning. His father hadn’t been pleasant to him, the same as the whole previous week. He barely spoke to Cole but when he did, he shouted or barked orders. 

 

_ “You bring me every single penny you earn. And don’t disappoint me or tarnish the family name.”  _

 

Cole had left his house when Anne and Diana arrived with shaking knees and an empty stomach. He thought his father’s mood might have lightened due to the good news Miss Stacey had brought with her the previous evening. She’d gushed over how hard he’d been working that week, how dedicated his was to his studies, but none of it seemed to matter to either of his parents. To them, he was still a horrible excuse for a son. 

 

“We’re meeting in half an hour.” Gilbert said softly, trying to reassure Cole. 

 

“Yeah, but…” 

 

“Cole. Would you just come lie with me? I’ve only been dreaming about it for what feels like years now.” The brunette boy stood back up and wrapped his arms around Cole, steady but not restricting. He placed kisses all over Cole’s cold cheeks. 

 

Cole hated that he was ruining this already. He thought when he saw Gilbert all his fears would melt away, that he’d be able to forget about his family and all their expectations of him. But it had been the exact opposite. Every time Gilbert touched him, teased him, it made something inside Cole’s stomach clench violently. It made him even more aware of how much the things he wanted - the things he loved - would make his family completely disown him. 

 

If they knew how much he loved the boy currently hugging him, Cole would be homeless in two seconds. 

 

He’d tried to smile through it, wait for it to vanish, but as they’d gotten onto the train the feeling only intensified. He thought kissing Gilbert’s hand would help - bring him back to the joyous feeling he always got when he was touching Gilbert - but the hairs on the back of his neck had stood up, his breath had come short. And when Gilbert had wrapped an arm around his waist, he’d nearly shoved him away. 

 

Gilbert seemed to sense Cole’s hesitant movements, the way he wasn’t quite returning the hug. He pulled back and reached to take Cole’s brown hat off. 

 

“Talk to me. Has something upset you?” 

 

“I’m sorry.” Cole gasped, shaking his head. “I want to just  _ be _ here and not worry about anything else. I don’t want to ruin today.” 

 

“You’re not ruining anything. I just want to know why you’re upset.” 

 

“I...I don’t know. Everything feels so wrong.” Cole admitted, sitting down on the bed as Gilbert continued to stand. He looked at the floor, feeling ashamed. He hated how conflicted he was. 

 

“Okay. What exactly feels wrong?” Gilbert asked, sitting down next to Cole but keeping his hands in his lap. 

 

Cole felt tears rush into his eyes unexpectedly, his father’s voice loud in his ears.  _ Don’t disappoint me. Don’t disappoint me.  _

 

Anything Cole did with Gilbert would disappoint his father. Every touch. Every glance. All their mornings together in the schoolhouse. He didn’t know why it suddenly bothered him; why his father’s face flashed behind his closed eyes or why he cared what his father thought of him. 

 

But Cole’s heart felt like it was breaking. 

 

“I disappoint everyone.” Cole managed to say, wiping some of the tears off his eyelids. “My father. My mother.  _ You.  _ I can’t...I can’t just stop overthinking everything.” 

 

“Cole, you don’t disappoint me. Ever.” Gilbert quickly said. 

 

“Right now I am. We should be enjoying every second together and yet here I am, crying like a baby.” Cole chastised himself, suddenly angry. He wished he could be better. He wished he was stronger, less girly. He wished he fit in with the other boys, felt included and respected. Whenever anyone looked at him they always assumed he was a sissy. Soft. 

 

“Cole, I wasn’t expecting anything. Just being here with you, being close to you is enough for me. You’re always enough for me.” Gilbert stated, trying to move closer. Cole didn’t flinch back even though everything in his body was wanting to move away. “Did something happen with Miss Stacey last night? Were your parents upset?” 

 

Cole scoffed. “They’re always upset. They always hate everything I do. Nothing is good enough.” 

 

“They don’t know anything then, Cole. If they can’t see what a wonderful person you, what a wonderful  _ son…”  _

 

“I’m not wonderful though, Gil! I’m...a waste of space.” 

 

Gilbert shook his head, wrapping Cole in a hug that Cole immediately struggled to get out of but Gilbert didn’t let go. He just kept hanging on, whispering kind words until Cole eventually stopped; until he found himself clutching back to Gilbert desperately - breathing in the smell of his freshly cleaned skin. 

 

“You’re the best person in the world.” Gilbert sighed, stroking a hand through Cole’s hair. “I’m sorry your parents never acknowledged that. I’m sorry they make you feel like you’re nothing but a speck of dust on the floor. But I can see the person you really are inside, Cole. And that person is my  _ friend.  _ He’s kind and caring. He’s a brilliant artist. And every time I’m with him I feel like I could do anything I ever imagined.” 

 

Cole immediately wanted to reject everything Gilbert had just said, the urge to deny it as strong as his frantic heartbeat. But as they sat there together, arms around each other, Cole managed to calm down enough to consider that Gilbert believed what he was saying. If Gilbert thought these things and Cole respected Gilbert’s opinion, how could he tell him he was wrong? 

 

Maybe he wasn’t wrong at all. 

 

“Can we...lie down now?” Cole asked, pulling back. Gilbert smiled and nodded, crawling to the other side of the bed and placing his head on the pillow. He opened his arms wide and Cole practically dove into them. 

 

The bed was the softest thing Cole had ever felt. The duvet smelled like it had recently been washed and the warmth of Gilbert’s body against his foreshadowed a fantastic sleep awaiting him that night. 

 

“This is better than I thought it would be,” Gilbert said, kissing the top of Cole’s head. 

 

“What is?” 

 

“Lying in bed with you.” 

 

Cole couldn’t help but smile. He didn’t understand how Gilbert could always make him feel so good; how he managed to the take the darkness within Cole’s mind and bring it back to the light. But that’s exactly what he’d done and Cole squeezed him tightly in gratitude. 

 

“I wish we could do this every day.” Cole whispered, and he’d never meant anything more. 

 

“Me too. Someday we can live together.” 

 

“You think so?” 

 

“Of course.” Gilbert nodded, arranging them so they could see each other but still have their arms around their middles. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. We could live at my farm together when I’m a doctor. Or we could move somewhere else. Maybe Charlottetown.” 

 

Cole frowned, not understanding. “But...won’t you want to marry? Have a wife and a family?” 

 

Gilbert looked equally as confused at Cole’s words. “ _ You’re  _ my family. And besides, we’re fifteen. I’m not thinking about a wife or marriage.” 

 

“I know, but...Gilbert. You have to consider what’s expected of us. Young men marry pretty women and have children with them. If you don’t, it looks suspicious.” 

 

“Well, I don’t care about all of that.” 

 

“You  _ have  _ to. Unless we end up like Matthew Cuthbert living with his sister, men who don’t marry and live with other men would raise concern. I won’t see you get in trouble because of this.” Cole stated, shaking his head. 

 

Gilbert rolled his eyes. “You’re speaking like you still believe you’ve somehow bewitched me into liking you.  _ I’m  _ choosing you. I want  _ you.  _ And that’s all there is to it.” 

 

“But…” 

 

“Stop, Cole.” Gilbert begged, bringing their mouths together. 

 

The kiss was soft at first, hesitant. But when Cole returned it, melted into the joy that once again filled his lungs when he touched Gilbert, the kiss turned heavy. Both boys’ hands found their way to the other’s cheek, not letting go. 

 

They laid together kissing for what felt like ages. Cole’s mouth was dry when they finally pulled away, both of them panting. Gilbert looked down at Cole’s stomach, placing a hand there to feel how fast it was going up and down, his eyes lingering. 

 

“When you’re alone, do you ever…” Gilbert began to ask, a blush appearing on his cheeks all the way up to his ears. 

 

“What?” Cole asked, placing his hand on top of Gilbert’s. 

 

“Do you ever touch...lower than this?” 

 

The question sent a wave of heat all the way through Cole as he understood what Gilbert was asking. He looked down at their hands, how close they were to touching where Gilbert had mentioned, and the urge to do just that was overwhelming. 

 

“Yeah. Do you?” 

 

Gilbert nodded, biting his bottom lip. His eyes were still on Cole’s lower half and he wondered if he was looking down further, if he could see the way Cole’s body was responding to him. 

 

“Do you think of me?” 

 

Cole didn’t hesitate. “Yes.” 

 

The knock on the door made both of them jump. They got off the bed, clearing their throats and Cole began to reach for his bag where his change of clothes were. 

 

“Five minutes to dinner!” Anne called from the other side and Cole was grateful she didn’t try to open the door. 

 

“Okay, be right out.” Gilbert said back, looking sheepish as his eyes found Cole’s again. 

 

Cole smiled back as he changed into his nicest pair of pants and a suitable top for the party. He knew many people would be dressed fancier than him, but he had to make due with what he had. Gilbert had also brought a change of clothes and Cole’s mouth hung open a little as he watched Gilbert regard himself in the mirror. 

 

“You look really nice, Gil.” 

 

“Thank you. As do you.”

 

Gilbert kissed him once more before they opened the door and headed down for a quick dinner before the guests began to arrive. 


	15. Romantic Ideal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! xo

Gilbert couldn’t believe the happiness pulsing through every inch of Josephine Berry’s party. It was only an hour in and the people seemed to always be laughing. The music was upbeat, making everyone want to dance and smile. The food was delicious.

 

He was actually in awe. He’d never imagined parties could be like this. He’d never seen so many different kinds of people genuinely enjoying each other’s company. He’d always pictured parties being a little bit stuffy and boring; adults sighing as monotonous tunes filled the wide, spacious rooms - a gathering of many but everyone feeling alone.

 

But not this party. Everyone greeted him warmly, asking where he was from, what his name was - as if they actually wanted to know the answer. Everyone said hello to Bash the same way as Josephine, not a hint of surprise or malice.

 

Bash was on his second glance of wine, standing next to Gilbert and Cole; his whole body vibrating with excitement as he bounced up and down on his heels. Anne and Diana were across the room speaking to the woman who had just played the piano, Diana gushing her praise and blushing fiercely.

 

“This is fantastic, Blythe!” Bash said loudly over the music. He wrapped his arm around Gilbert’s shoulders and pulled him close, nearly knocking Gilbert down.

 

“I think you’re a little tipsy.” Cole chuckled, jumping the next second as someone joined them, bowing as if they were kings.

 

“Good evening. My name is Thomas and I simply _had_ to come over to rescue this poor soul.” The man said, shaking his head. He reached out and touched Cole’s chest, clucking his tongue.

 

“I...What do you…” Cole stammered, looking anxiously at Gilbert and Bash.

 

The man was older than them, probably older than Bash, and was dressed in a woman’s gown - complete with pearls hanging down his body and lipstick drawn on his thin, male lips. Gilbert’s eyes were wide.

 

“Your outfit, my dear.” Thomas continued, circling Cole and looking him up and down. “Not a shred of colour! You look like a farm boy.”

 

Cole swallowed thickly, feeling embarrassed. He knew he didn’t compare to any of the other people in the room. He was very plain in his brown jacket and brown pants, the blackest shoes he had which were still very worn and cracked and a tie he’d borrowed from his father. Most people were dressed as if it were a masquerade ball, elegant dresses and men in black suits and ties; some people dressed as flowers or something out of a fairy tale. Cole could have easily blended right in to the wall.

 

“I _am_ a farm boy.” Cole finally said, his shoulders drooping a little bit.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” Gilbert said, coming to Cole’s side, frowning at the man.

 

“Oh, please don’t think I meant any offense!” Thomas quickly shrieked, shaking his head. “On the contrary. I’m also from a farm. But this night is meant for being something other-wordly, something beyond what you are in the daylight. This is a night where you can be _anything._ Everything you might feel but can’t express - especially when you’re from a farm as we are.”

 

Gilbert hadn’t realized he’d reached down and laced his fingers through Cole’s. He didn’t know until he saw Thomas’s eyes pause at the sight of their joined hands, smiling softly. Gilbert pulled his hand away.

 

“Can I give you some things to wear?” Thomas asked, looking at both of them now. “Perhaps my pearls? And this cashmere scarf?”

 

“Oh. Um.” Cole began, startled as Thomas didn’t wait for an answer and gave them to Cole anyways. He draped the scarf around Cole’s shoulders and added the pearls a second later, smiling at his work.

 

“Perfect! I bid you a wonderful night, dear friends. Remember, you can be anything or anyone you want under this roof. Make the most of it.”

 

And before any of them could say anything else, Thomas rushed away and was lost in the sea of people, leaving Gilbert and Cole blinking and confused.

 

“I like him.” Bash said, raising his third glass of wine and smiling from ear to ear.

 

**

 

“I want to thank you all for coming tonight.” Josephine Berry said about an hour later, looking around the room as everyone listened; faces turned towards her in the now silent ballroom.

 

Anne and Diana had found their way back to the rest of the group and they had all danced together, twirling around with their hands together. Gilbert had danced with Anne and then Diana; Cole and Bash doing the same thing. Gilbert had enjoyed it, but he also kept catching Cole’s eye - wishing it was him he could be dancing with. There were some women dancing together, including Anne and Diana, but that had always been more acceptable than two boys dancing in the same way. Gilbert was annoyed that this was the way of the world, but it was - even though Thomas had said they could be ‘anything’ they wanted tonight.

 

“It’s you I want to hold hands with, you I want to dance with.” Gilbert had whispered about fifteen minutes earlier; the music calming down in order for everyone to gather and hear Josephine speak. They had managed to find a hallway that was empty and Gilbert pulled Cole behind a staircase, bringing their mouths together hurriedly.

 

“I know, Gil.” Cole said, putting his face into Gilbert’s neck. Gilbert ran his hand through Cole’s hair, playing with the ends of it.

 

“Maybe we could later. In our room.” Gilbert smiled, kissing Cole’s cheek. “When it’s just us and we don’t have to worry.”

 

“Okay. I’d like that.”

 

They joined the rest of the guests after that, Gilbert stealing the wine glass from Bash’s hands because he was well past tipsy at this point. Cole had brought him some water instead, smirking at the way Bash pouted.

 

Anne was about to read from the book of her choosing at the request of Josephine after the older woman’s speech. She was clinging to the copy of Jane Eyre anxiously, flowers in her short hair and a small smile on her face as she listened.

 

“I can’t take credit for this night. It was all Gertrude’s idea. She made it her mission to bring joy to her friends during these long, hard winters. I couldn’t quite bring myself to do this last year. It didn’t feel...right.” Josephine said, her voice turning quiet. She looked down at the floor and Gilbert saw Diana shift, a look of grief on her face.

 

“But, time goes on. And so must we all with it.” She said, smiling again despite the tears that were visible in her eyes. “It is _so_ lovely to see everyone’s smiling faces. I know Gertrude is looking down on us and is overjoyed that these parties are continuing in her memory. To Gertrude!” Josephine hollered, raising her glass as a chorus of ‘To Gertrude’ rang across the room.

 

“To the most beautiful couple. My romantic ideal.” A woman suddenly said after everyone had finished drinking, her glass raised again towards Josephine.

 

Diana let out a little sound, almost like a gasp but breathier, and Gilbert looked at her. She looked horrified.

 

_Romantic ideal?_ Did that mean…

 

“And now, to read a passage to us from Gertrude’s library, the always bright-eyed and big-brained, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert!” Josephine announced, gesturing to Anne as the crowd clapped and she walked sheepishly up to join the older woman.

 

Before Anne even began her speech, Diana turned on her heel and bolted out of the room, bumping into several people as she went.

 

"I remembered that the real world was wide, and that a varied field of hopes and fears, of sensations and excitements, awaited those who had the courage to go forth into its expanse, to seek real knowledge of life amidst its perils." Anne read, holding the book close to her heart as she finished and everyone cheered.

 

**

 

The party continued, and nothing much had changed. Everyone was still dressed up. The music and food were still wonderful. But now Gilbert couldn’t help but notice how many people seemed...unusual.

 

Women were dressed in suits, kissing the necks of other women who were in dresses. Men like Thomas were dressed in women’s clothing, laughing together and behaving as if they _were_ women.

 

And Gilbert saw men dancing together. Older men, younger men. They were holding hands, standing close and actually dancing exactly how a man and a woman would dance.

 

It was as if after hearing Josephine’s speech, Gilbert saw people like this everywhere, like they hadn’t been there before. But of course they would have been. Nobody new had arrived for over two hours, since nearly the beginning of the night. They would have had to have been here all along.

 

“I can’t find Diana. Where has she gone?” Anne suddenly asked, breaking into Gilbert’s thoughts and probably obvious staring.

 

“Back upstairs, I think.” Cole answered, sipping some water.

 

“Oh. Is she not feeling well?”

 

“I think she was startled by her great-aunt’s speech.” Bash jumped in, swaying a little and still smiling.

 

Anne frowned, apparently confused. “But, why?”

 

“Josephine, the lovely white lady, loved another lady. Clear as day. I don’t think your friend was quite prepared for that, though.” Bash said, saying it like it was the funniest thing in the world.

 

Cole’s face paled and he avoided Gilbert’s eyes, shuffling away from him slightly.

 

“I think it’s splendid.” Anne implored, putting a hand over her heart.  

“I borrowed this book from Gertrude’s side of their bed and Josephine told me all these wonderful things about her. It seems they loved each other _endlessly._ How tragic it would be to be the one left behind when you love each other so fiercely. I must speak with Diana. Make her understand how beautiful it all really is.”

 

“Beautiful?” Cole asked, barely a whisper. He was staring at Anne and breathing heavily, his hand balled into a fist.

 

“Why, _yes._ To love someone is always beautiful. And this just means that there’s so much more...possibility. That people can love without boundaries.” Anne gushed, and Gilbert had a sudden urge to hug her. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

 

She walked away from them, heading for the stairs. Cole put down his glass and turned to Gilbert.

 

“Want to dance?” He asked, putting out his hand in a way that would allow Gilbert to hold it.

 

Gilbert was so taken aback that he didn’t know what to say. His mind was lost in a sea of realization of just how many people must be like him and Cole, how many people in this very _room_ were, and it seemed that Anne’s words were all Cole needed to feel confident enough to ask to do this publically.

 

Gilbert suddenly knew that if they were ever going to do this - dance and be happy doing it without the threat of judgement or even harm - it would be right this second; at this party.

 

“Yes. I definitely do.”


	16. Beautiful

Cole’s hands were trembling when Gilbert finally took hold of them, slotting their bodies together as if they were a ‘proper’ couple dancing. Gilbert smiled at him but looked equally as nervous, both of them on edge - as if at any moment someone would call them out. 

 

But as they began to dance, Cole leading, they both quickly realized nobody was giving them a second glance. What they were doing together was completely normal here. 

 

“I can’t believe it.” Gilbert said over the roar of music, suddenly looking more carefree. 

 

“What? That we’re dancing?” Cole chuckled, sliding his arm down to Gilbert’s waist instead of his side. 

 

“That this is... _ okay _ . That nobody cares. God, Cole. I never imagined it could be this way.” Gilbert beamed, throwing his head back and laughing as they danced around the room. 

 

Cole couldn’t help but lead them to dance a bit faster, giddy with relief. He thought of how many nights he’d spent feeling wretched - feeling as if there were not sort of place for him in the world. He thought briefly of how angry his parents would be if they could see him right now, arms around another boy wearing pearls and bright coloured scarves meant for women. But he didn’t care. The happiness of everyone else around him, people who were just like him, outweighed and nearly erased the heartbreak he had felt for so long. 

 

He finally felt like he  _ belonged.  _

 

The music faded into another song, one much slower, and Cole blushed at how the couples moved closer to each other - dancing cheek to cheek now. A few women pressed their heads against the chest of their female companions, or some men proudly kissed the other man they were dancing with before arranging themselves into a similar position. 

 

Cole looked at Gilbert, about to pull him closer, but Gilbert beat him to it. He wrapped his hand around the back of Cole’s neck and brought their mouths together as they swayed to the soft piano and violin melody. 

 

Cole desperately wished it could be like this all the time. He wanted to walk into school with Gilbert holding hands. He wanted to kiss him whenever he desired to. He wanted to dance in public with him and live together and have absolutely nobody think twice about them.

 

He knew that wasn’t how the world worked though - and it probably never would - but at least he had this. He had right now, and he told himself he would keep in contact with some of the people they’d met tonight. Perhaps they would know of other parties like this, other cities and towns and even countries where there would be a place for Cole among people who understood what it was like to be him. 

 

And perhaps Cole could finally go through life without feeling like every part of what made him  _ him,  _ was wrong. 

 

“I’m going to sleep now, boys.” Bash suddenly said from beside them, effectively stopping their dance. 

 

Gilbert brought his hands away from Cole, a stricken look on his face as he stared at his friend. He looked as if he’d forgotten Bash was here, someone he worked with and would have to face beyond tonight. 

 

Bash looked unconcerned though. In fact, he seemed pleased as he patted both of their shoulders and gestured between them. 

 

“I like it. You’re good for each other.” He chuckled. 

 

Gilbert grasped Bash’s arm and began to lead him off the dance floor. Cole followed, unsure of what else to do. 

 

“How drunk are you exactly?” Gilbert asked. 

 

“Very, but I’ve had the most  _ wonderful  _ evening.” Bash giggled, wrapping his arm further around Gilbert and nearly knocking them both over. 

 

They walked to the staircase, leaving the music and haze of people chattering momentarily. The hall was quiet except for a few muffled voices coming from the top of the stairs in the hallway where their bedrooms were. 

 

“I’ll help you.” Gilbert offered, but Bash shook him off and gripped the railing. 

 

“I’ll be quite fine, Blythe. Go back and keep dancing.” 

 

“No, I think...that’s probably enough for now.” Gilbert said, the sadness in his voice catching Cole off guard. Hadn’t they just been stupidly happy and...free? 

 

“No, no, no.” Bash said, coming back down the two steps he’d walked up. He unsteadily grabbed Cole’s right hand and Gilbert’s left and pushed them together, trying to get them to hold hands again. “This is  _ good,  _ my friends. And you’re here. This place is like magic. Everyone is friendly and free to do whatever they please.” 

 

“You wouldn’t be saying this if you were sober.” Gilbert said, gnawing on his bottom lip. “Tomorrow, you’ll feel differently.” 

 

“Pssh,” Bash dismissed, waving a hand in front of his face. “You think I haven’t seen the way you look at him?” He pointed to Cole and raised his eyebrows. “I’ve seen the way you look at  _ each other.  _ This isn’t exactly news to me, boys.” 

 

Gilbert’s face seemed to turn instantly red and his expression made Cole stifle a laugh. He was ridiculously adorable. 

 

“But...I...how did you…” Gilbert began but Bash just turned on his heel and laughed as he walked up the stairs.

 

“Goodnight, love birds!” 

 

Cole smiled as Bash turned the corner towards his bedroom and was out of sight, reaching once again for Gilbert’s hands. “Come on.” 

 

**

 

They danced for another three songs. They stayed as close together as they wanted, neither of them wishing to stop entirely. But Cole could feel that he was getting tired. They got some final glasses of water before finding Josephine to say goodnight. 

 

She was sitting just outside the ballroom, resting her feet on a stool and gazing up at the flower arrangement in front of her. 

 

“Sorry to disturb you, Mrs. Barry.” Cole said, clearing his throat. 

 

The old woman jumped a little, turning towards them, but smiled as she saw the way they held hands. She stood up and wrapped them both in a hug. 

 

“You two are...extraordinary dancers, I must say.” She winked. “I hope you’ve enjoyed yourselves?” 

 

Gilbert nodded, leaning a little closer to Cole. “Most immensely.” 

 

“Good. I’m so glad.” Josephine beamed, sitting back down and waving to them as they walked towards the staircase - seeing that a few people were beginning to leave.

 

They climbed the stairs together, still holding hands, and Cole was suddenly full of another kind of excitement as he realized they got to share a bed tonight. He would finally get to go to sleep and wake up right next to Gilbert.

 

The thought made his stomach feel fluttery and light - as if he could float up to the ceiling. 

 

“Goodnight.” A voice suddenly said, startling them apart. They turned and saw Anne peeking out of her bedroom, now dressed in her nightgown. 

 

Cole smiled at her. “Goodnight. I hope Diana is okay?” 

 

Anne nodded, putting a finger to her lips. “She’s sleeping. See you in the morning.” 

 

“Goodnight.” Gilbert said as well, nodding as she closed her door and he opened theirs. “Shall we?” 

 

Cole nodded, refocusing his attention on that feeling swirling inside of him, and walked into their room. 

 

**

 

They didn’t sit on the bed again or lie down together. Not right away. They started by sitting on the small couch in the corner of their room, trying to let go of the buzz from their evening. 

 

They talked of how nice it had been to be able to dance together, to know there were others like them out in the world. They sat with their legs tangled, so unbothered by the prospect of being seen. 

 

Cole enjoyed that Gilbert’s shirt had come unbuttoned, revealing his pale neck and beginning of collar bones. He was talking about something he’d seen, someone wearing an elaborate costume, but Cole was focused on the little freckle Gilbert had just below his jaw. 

 

He couldn’t stop staring because all he wanted to do was trace the small mark with his mouth. 

 

“Did you see her?” Gilbert asked, but Cole had no idea what he was talking about anymore. He didn’t try to pretend he knew either, or ask Gilbert to back up and re-explain. 

 

He simply leaned forward and put his lips to Gilbert’s neck, placing feather-light kisses all along his jawline and throat before making his way up to Gilbert’s mouth. 

 

“Kiss me?” He whispered, reaching to touch Gilbert’s sides, put his hands under clothes until he felt the soft ridges of the other boy’s slim hips. 

 

“Yes.  _ Yes.”  _ Gilbert said, pushing his mouth against Cole’s. 

 

They kissed and for once Cole wasn’t keeping track of time. He wasn’t counting down the minutes or listening for the sound of Miss Stacey’s footsteps, announcing the end of their alone time. 

 

It felt like they had all the time in the world. 

 

Cole pulled at Gilbert, trying to get him to come closer. That didn’t make much sense considering they were already as close as they could be, but Gilbert surprised him by sitting up and placing his knees on either side of Cole’s hips; sitting himself on his lap. 

 

The weight of him made Cole gasp, unable to help the way he squirmed. Gilbert smirked as he moved up and down a little, seeming to know exactly what he was doing. 

 

“Gilbert, I…” 

 

“Remember that day in the shed? When I came to find you and woke you up?” Gilbert asked, searching with his hands for Cole’s shirt and undoing the first few buttons, kissing the side of his face hurriedly. 

 

Cole’s eyes closed at the feeling of Gilbert all over him, trying to find purchase in the way he gripped the brunette’s thighs. “Yes. I do.” 

 

“I thought of this. What it would feel like if I had…” Gilbert began, undoing the last button on Cole’s shirt, pulling the sides apart. The pearls Cole had been given were still on his neck and they slapped against his warm skin, making him suck in a breath through his teeth. 

 

“If I had been able to touch you like this.” Gilbert stated, beginning to feel and kiss Cole’s quivering naked chest around the necklace. 

 

It was too much. Cole felt like he was going to lose his mind. He didn’t want Gilbert to stop but he also wanted them to go over to the bed. 

 

“Can we...I just…” He tried, unable to form a coherent thought. 

 

Gilbert looked up at him, panting. “What?” 

 

Cole barely hesitated before he wrapped both his long arms around Gilbert’s middle and picked him up as he stood from the couch, relishing the way Gilbert squeaked and grasped his arms around Cole’s neck so he didn’t fall. 

 

“Let’s go over here instead.” Cole managed to say, walking the few steps over to the bed and placing Gilbert down on his back. He slotted himself in between Gilbert’s open legs and kissed him, making sure to hold his weight up with his arms so he didn’t crush him. 

 

“Cole, that was...how did you even  _ do _ that?” Gilbert asked as Cole stopped kissing him, chuckling. 

 

“I’m stronger than I look.” 

 

“ _ Clearly.”  _ Gilbert said, full on laughing now. Cole leaned away because he was laughing now too, eventually rolling onto his own back next to Gilbert. 

 

Their laughter died down and they looked at each other, bodies close and Cole’s chest entirely exposed. Gilbert ran a finger down the front of it, stopping just before his belly button. 

 

“I always thought you looked strong.” Gilbert whispered, swallowing hard. “I… I like the way you look.” 

 

“Can I see how you look too?” Cole asked, putting his hand on top of Gilbert’s. 

 

“I don’t look good. Not really...I…” 

 

Cole squeezed his friend’s hand, shaking his head. He didn’t like how unsure Gilbert sounded, how self conscious he suddenly looked; like he wanted to try and hide his body. 

 

“Gil, you always look good to me. You’re…” Cole struggled, wanting to say the right thing. 

 

Anne’s words from earlier suddenly popped into his head and he smiled because what she said definitely applied to Gilbert. 

 

“ _ Beautiful.”  _ He said earnestly. “You’re beautiful.” 

 

Gilbert’s tense body language seemed to soften as he saw how honest and vulnerable Cole looked. He turned so he was leaning up on his elbow facing Cole and brought his hand up to his own shirt. 

 

“Will you...undress me?” 


	17. Agony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ahem, slight smut warning ahead. Nothing too detailed because we're in what I consider a PG-13 max universe, but here's your warning all the same. * :P

Gilbert had never imagined it this way. 

 

Since he was about ten, he could remember trying to fathom what it would be like to be close to someone - the way mothers and fathers were supposed to be. Sharing a house, a life, a  _ bed.  _ The relationship that wasn’t just friendship. 

 

He always thought it would feel good. Perhaps warm, like an embrace or a mug of tea on a cold evening by the fire. Gilbert could confirm that this was true because every minute he’d spent in the schoolhouse with Cole, kissing and hugging and being together, he had been in that place of warmth. Comfort.  _ Home.  _

 

But when Cole put his hands on Gilbert’s bare chest and then reached down to feel the ridges of his lower back, it wasn’t comforting. It wasn’t a slight warmth throughout his limbs or a feeling of peace. Well, it  _ was,  _ because it was Cole - but it was so much more. 

 

It was an immediate blaze, a passion he’d never felt surging through every part of him; his muscles tightening in anticipation and his breath coming too fast. His eyes closed before he’d made a conscious decision to do so and he clung to Cole’s back as he realized he’d ended up with Cole on top of him, pressing kisses down his stomach; their legs tangled together. 

 

Gilbert had never in his entire life thought it could be like  _ this.  _

 

“You’re shaking.” Cole whispered, hesitating. His mouth was lingering just below Gilbert’s belly button, eyes fixed on him. 

 

“Sorry, I…” Gilbert squirmed, feeling overly exposed and vulnerable. He was torn between wanting to keep himself together and completely falling apart in Cole’s arms. 

 

“I can stop.” 

 

“ _ No.”  _ Gilbert pleaded, grabbing onto Cole’s neck for purchase, unconsciously moving his hips up and down. 

 

He felt completely crazed. What was happening to him? Why did he feel like his heart was going to  _ burst? _

 

“I want to kiss you everywhere.” Cole said, voice low - making patterns with his tongue around Gilbert’s hip bones. 

 

“Cole, I think I’m dying. I think you’re killing me.” Gilbert exclaimed, half laughing. He was hysterical. Too overwhelmed. He felt like a piece of fabric hanging from a clothes line about to be pushed off by the wind. 

 

“Gil, I’m sorry. I’ll stop. Tell me you’re okay.” Cole said, panicked now. 

 

Gilbert shook his head, knowing he wasn’t expressing himself properly. He didn’t have the words for it. Instead of trying to explain, he brought Cole back up to him so he was lying on top again - his weight fully placed on Gilbert’s body. 

 

Gilbert found his mouth as he pushed his body against Cole’s, his legs wrapped around Cole’s waist. He could hear himself making noises - desperate ones too as he clung to the one person in the world he could say with complete confidence that he loved. 

 

Cole was moving his hips as well, pushing into Gilbert and that feeling - euphoria, peace, fire,  _ agony -  _ continued to pulse and get louder beneath Gilbert’s skin. 

 

“I love you. I love you.” Gilbert mumbled, breathing heavily into Cole’s mouth as he tugged on his hair - wanting to feel Cole’s heartbeat under his lips. Once he found the spot he kissed it, feeling the frenzied, fragile rhythm beneath damp skin. 

 

“Gil, I...I feel like I…” 

 

This was going to be it, Gilbert thought. His heart couldn’t take this. He’d probably die right here in this bed. How did someone survive this? 

 

Cole cried out from on top of him but it didn’t sound like pain. His body tensed and he stopped moving, clinging to Gilbert even harder. Gilbert wanted to make sure he was okay but then his body kept climbing up and up - reaching for something that he somehow knew had everything to do with the boy on top of him. 

 

That relentless pull of feeling finally reached its peak and Gilbert threw his head back, trying not to scream but feeling completely unable to control the way he sounded. Cole was saying something to him, stroking his face, but Gilbert couldn’t hear anything. 

 

All he kept thinking was  _ yes, yes yes. I love you, I love you, I love you.  _

 

**

 

Gilbert watched as Cole kneeled down to start a fire in their room. The previous one had burned out during the party and the room was now frightfully chill. Despite the goosebumps that were forming across Gilbert’s flesh, he was still shirtless as he stayed under the covers; smiling to himself. 

 

“I can never build fires that quickly.” He commented, making room for Cole to join him under the covers when he was done. 

 

Cole grinned at him as he snuggled close, putting his head on Gilbert’s chest. “It was always my chore at home. I’m a master at it now.” 

 

“You’ll have to teach me.” 

 

“Okay.” Cole whispered, placing a kiss on Gilbert’s right nipple - making him gasp. 

 

Gilbert could feel an energy between them as they lied together, neither of them saying anything for several long minutes. It wasn’t an uneasy feeling but there was something that felt a little bit off - as if something was being unsaid. 

 

“I’ve never felt like that before.” Gilbert whispered, closing his eyes as he felt embarrassment rush into his stomach. He stopped himself from saying anymore, not trusting himself to ever shut up about how wonderful it had been. 

 

He felt a little silly because he imagined his thoughts sounded like something Anne would say or think when she was overcome with emotion like he had been half an hour ago. He reckoned he could write poems and songs about what happened between them; he could easily find himself in a forest somewhere twirling in circles and talking about how lovely the flowers looked because he was  _ that  _ happy. 

 

“I haven’t either, Gil. I don’t even know what to  _ say.”  _ Cole exclaimed, shaking his head. His grip around Gilbert’s waist tightened. 

 

“I’m sorry if I...said too much? I didn’t know how to act or how to... _ control  _ myself.” Gilbert stammered, cringing at his own words. 

 

“Stop, stop.” Cole hushed him, leaning up quickly and kissing his bottom lip. “You were...perfect.” 

 

“Now  _ you _ stop.” 

 

“No. You were. I…” 

 

“I had no clue what I was doing!” Gilbert interrupted, covering his eyes. “I was just…” 

 

“Don’t be embarrassed. You never have to be embarrassed with me.” Cole said softly, bringing his hand away from his eyes and kissing his knuckles. 

 

“I am, though.” 

 

“I love you too.” Cole said at practically the same time, effectively stopping Gilbert from saying any more. “I just wanted you to know.” 

 

Gilbert connected their hands, smiling as Cole resumed his place on his chest. He closed his eyes, feeling the tiredness beginning to creep over him as he whispered, “I know.” 


	18. Collapse

The morning sunlight shone through an opening in the thick, dark curtains - cascading across the two sleeping forms in the upstairs of Josephine Barry’s mansion. The rest of the household was beginning to stir, including the other guests, but Cole and Gilbert were still fast asleep. 

 

Cole was dreaming of something wonderful - a time far from now when he and Gilbert lived together. They woke up each day together and went to sleep each night the same way. Gilbert was Avonlea’s cherished doctor, and Cole’s drawings were famous across Prince Edward Island. 

 

Life was  _ good.  _ And as Gilbert finally opened his eyes, gazing up at Cole’s face, he saw that the blonde-haired boy was smiling contently. 

 

“Hey you,” Gilbert whispered, propping himself up on his elbow and running his fingertips across Cole’s smiling lips. 

 

Cole made a sleepy noise, attempting to move away but Gilbert simply followed him; caressing the side of his face in order to wake him up. He knew they would be called for breakfast shortly and he wanted to enjoy the time they had left together - where they could do anything they wanted without fear of prying eyes. 

 

“Cole. Wake up, sleepyhead.” 

 

“I was dreaming.” Cole said, his voice lower than normal. The sound made Gilbert unconsciously lick his lips, slide his hand over the soft skin of Cole’s bare navel. 

 

“About what?” 

 

Cole grinned again, turning to look at Gilbert this time. “You. I always dream about you.” 

 

Gilbert smiled too before leaning down to kiss him gently. “Well, that’s good to know. I would be jealous if you dreamt of someone else.” 

 

Cole perked up an eyebrow, mirroring Gilbert’s pose by resting his face on the opposite hand. He relished the way Gilbert moved closer, tangling their legs together and giving him a challenging smile. 

 

“I don’t think my mind could conjure up anyone else as wonderful as you. That person just doesn’t exist.” 

 

“ _ Stop.  _ You’re just saying that.” Gilbert attempted to tickle him but Cole grabbed his wrists, pinning them above his head within seconds; his body now fully covering the brunette’s. 

 

All the playfulness in Gilbert’s face vanished and was replaced by surprise. And then his features slowly contorted into pleasure as Cole moved against him, reminding both of them of the previous night. 

 

“I don’t just  _ say  _ things, Gil. I always mean them.” Cole whispered, his grip tightening. He could feel how hard Gilbert’s heart was beating inside his soft wrists, like it was trying to pound through the flesh and bleed into Cole’s hand. 

 

“What...was I doing in this dream?” 

 

“We were together. In a house. You were a doctor and I was an artist. We were happy.” Cole said, slowly letting Gilbert’s hands go; wanting to feel them against his own body. 

 

Gilbert obliged him, touching his back tenderly as he smiled up at him. “I like this dream.” 

 

“Me too.” 

 

A loud knocking at the door made them both jump. Cole quickly jumped to his side of the bed and brought the blanket up above their shoulders to cover their naked chests in case the person walked in. 

 

“Who is it?” Gilbert called, grabbing Cole’s hand under the blankets in reassurance. 

 

“It’s Anne! We’re being called for breakfast in fifteen minutes.” 

 

Both boys let out shaky breaths, relaxing. “Okay. We’ll be out soon!” 

 

Reluctantly, they got out of the bed and began dressing. Cole tried not to let the dread of going back home sink in, creep into his heart and squeeze, but it was difficult. He didn’t know  _ how  _ he was supposed to go back to his old life after last night. He didn’t know how he was supposed to be limited to seeing Gilbert before and after school again. 

 

It wasn’t at all fair. 

 

“Hey. I can see you thinking from all the way over here.” Gilbert said, standing a few feet away doing up his shirt buttons. “It’s going to be okay.” 

 

“Yeah,” Cole nodded, trying to smile. But he couldn’t quite muster it. 

 

Gilbert seemed to understand. He gave him a look that said,  _ I’m feeling the exact same way but there’s nothing we can do.  _

 

Cole did up the top button on his shirt and it felt eerily similar to a noose. 

 

**

 

When they emerged from their room a short time later, they heard hushed voices coming from behind the semi-closed door of Anne and Diana’s room. Cole glanced at Gilbert who motioned for them to move closer. They both hesitated, straining to hear. 

 

“I cannot stay quiet about this, Anne! My God!” Diana whispered, her footsteps echoing across the hardwood floors. 

 

“What good would it do to tell your father? Or your mother?” Anne asked, a calmness to her voice that Cole didn’t quite expect considering how close to tears Diana sounded. 

 

“They should be aware of how...how... _ unnatural  _ Aunt Josephine is.” Diana said, spitting the words out like they tasted bad. 

 

Her tone was absolutely venomous and Cole saw Gilbert shudder.

 

“It isn’t unnatural to love someone, Diana. How could you say that?” 

 

“It’s not the kind of love that I have for you, or you have for me. It was  _ more  _ than that. And they were two women.” Diana implored, seemingly confused by Anne’s viewpoint. 

 

Anne’s words from the previous night came back to Cole, how she’d described Aunt Josephine’s relationship as ‘beautiful.’ He closed his eyes, knowing how impossible it might be to convince someone like Diana - someone who hadn’t had to face any sort of adversity - that a thing like this was okay. That Aunt Josephine wasn’t some kind of monster just because she fell in love. 

 

“It’s still  _ love,  _ though. And Josephine loved Gertrude with all her heart. They loved  _ each other _ . I cannot see how they were hurting anyone or...how they were somehow  _ wrong  _ for loving one another. Diana, the world has so much more possibility if people can love each other this way. Don’t you see?” Anne said, her voice fluttery - the way she sounded when she was truly happy about something or daydreaming of wonderful things. 

 

It made Cole smile. 

 

“I...I don’t know, Anne. I feel like I should be upset by this. If she’s kept it a secret all this time, doesn’t that indicate that it’s wrong?” 

 

“No,” Anne said without hesitation. “No. It means that Josephine was in an impossible situation. What other choice did they have but to keep it secret? People are put in jail for this kind of thing. I heard Mr. Hammond talking about a man he worked with going away because he was caught kissing another man. I didn’t think of it much back then, but it makes sense now. The law doesn’t want people to love each other.” 

 

Gilbert reached for Cole’s hand almost involuntarily, threading their fingers together and squeezing. Cole looked at him and saw that tears were in his eyes and he looked utterly terrified. 

 

“Oh,” Diana said, sounding as if she were crying for real now. “I didn’t know. I couldn’t bear the thought of Aunt Josephine in prison.” 

 

“Do you understand now? I won’t let you leave this room until I have your word that you won’t say a thing to anyone about it. Besides, it’s not  _ your  _ story to tell anyway.” Anne said warningly. It was the sternest Cole had ever heard her speak to Diana before and it caught him off guard. 

 

“I won’t.” Diana sniffled, clearing her throat. “I just don’t know how I’m going to...look at her the same.” 

 

“She’s still the same person you’ve always known.” 

 

“That reminds me,” Diana said suddenly, completely ignoring what Anne had said. “We  _ must  _ keep a close watch on Cole and Gilbert.” 

 

“What? Why?” 

 

Cole’s heart hammered in his ears as he waited. He could feel that Gilbert’s hand was beginning to sweat as well, both of them weak in the knees. 

 

“Because last night I saw them  _ kissing  _ when they were dancing. It was when I came downstairs to get some water for us and you stayed here.” 

 

Anne let out a long sigh before answering. “If you tell me we have to keep an eye out for them because you think it’s  _ wrong,  _ so help me Diana _ …”  _

 

“No, that’s not what I mean.” Diana interrupted, lowering her voice yet again. “Before we talked just now, I thought it was wrong and I was heartbroken for Ruby because you know how much she loves Gilbert. But now I’m saying it because I don’t want anyone to find out about them.” 

 

“Because it’s illegal?” Anne clarified. 

 

“ _ Yes.  _ They’re my friends. I don’t want to see them get hurt because they...have an attachment to each other. It would be too heartbreaking.”

 

“I agree.” 

 

Gilbert pulled on Cole’s hand a second later, tugging him towards the staircase. He moved with such a speed that Cole nearly lost his balance as they took the stairs two at a time.

 

“Slow down, Gil.” 

 

“I can’t do this. I can’t  _ do  _ this.” Gilbert said, breathing too quickly. He marched them towards the ballroom that was now being cleaned, frantically looking around to see if they were alone. Thankfully, no-one else was in sight. 

 

“Do what? Gil, look at me.” 

 

“No. I can’t think if I look at you.” 

 

Gilbert walked towards the glass doors at the back of the room that led out into the gardens. He opened them and walked out, continuing to pull Cole along with him. His wrist was aching but he didn’t try to pull away. 

 

Finally, Gilbert paused next to some bushes that were covered in snow, his lips chattering as he looked up at Cole. 

 

“I don’t want us to get sent away somewhere because of this.” 

 

“Gil…” 

 

“I can’t have that happen.” 

 

“You’re panicking right now. Can you try and take some deep breaths for me?” Cole tried, but Gilbert shook his head impatiently. 

 

“Your dream isn’t going to come true, Cole. We’ll never be able to live together. Have a life together. Not like Josephine and Gertrude.” 

 

“Don’t say that.” Cole whispered, his voice breaking. 

 

“Josephine has money. She was able to keep it a secret but...normal working people like you and me? We’d never have a chance. We wouldn’t have the  _ means.”  _ Gilbert said, tears rolling down his rosy cheeks. 

 

“Just last night you told me that we could live together. On your farm. Why are you talking like this?” Cole asked, feeling the lump in his throat practically choke him. 

 

Gilbert had been so reassuring about Cole’s fears. He’d said that Cole was his family, that he didn’t want some kind of life married to a woman and having children. He said he wanted  _ Cole.  _

 

“I want that, Cole. So much. That wasn’t a lie. But...now a lot of our friends know about us. What if they talk? Even by accident? Diana could change her mind and easily go tell her father about us. We’d be completely helpless.” 

 

“Diana isn’t going to talk. You heard her.” 

 

“I don’t trust that!  _ How  _ can I trust that?” Gilbert wailed, wrapping his arms around himself; trying to make himself smaller. 

 

Cole didn’t know what to say. He felt like Gilbert was saying goodbye and his heart couldn’t comprehend it. He felt like they were going to leave Josephine’s house today and he’d never get to kiss Gilbert again. Hold him. Have their mornings in the schoolhouse together. 

 

He felt like he was losing all the love he’d only  _ just  _ been allowed to enjoy. 

 

Cole was silently breaking down, on the verge of actual collapse, when he heard a soft voice call to them. 

 

“Boys? May I interrupt?” 


	19. Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. Sorry for the obscene delay. I've been dealing with a lot of horrible brain fog due to a chronic illness I suffer from and it made writing very difficult. I've been trying to work on this chapter for literal weeks. 
> 
> I'm hoping to resume posting more frequently, but if there's a sudden break again please know I won't abandon this fic. I will see it through to its end. Thank youuu <3

Cole turned to his right and saw Josephine standing a few feet away, a concerned look on her face as she realized they were both in tears. She motioned for them to come inside but when they continued to stand still, she came over to where they were. 

 

“I’m sorry, Miss Berry. I…” Gilbert began, but she brought him into the embrace of her arms before he could say anything else. 

 

“It’s all right, my boy. You’re okay.” 

 

Gilbert hugged her back, letting out a few soft sobs as he buried his face in her neck. Cole’s own arms itched to hold Gilbert, but he stayed where he was. Josephine gave him a sympathetic look over Gilbert’s shoulder. 

 

“I had a feeling, Gilbert, that you were about to do something you would very much regret.” Josephine said and Gilbert frowned at her as he pulled back. 

 

“Miss Berry?” 

 

The old woman sighed and looked between them. “I think you were about to end your relationship with this young man. And from what I saw last night, that isn’t what you want  _ at all.”  _

 

Gilbert looked at Cole guiltily, his whole body still shivering from the bitter cold of the early morning snowfall. 

 

“Cole, I don’t know what I was going to do. I didn’t…” 

 

“Just stop.” Cole insisted, the words barely audible. He looked down at the ground and shook his head. “I can’t take anymore.” 

 

“My dears, I know you’re scared.” Josephine said softly, reaching out to touch Cole’s shoulder. “I know all too well what this feels like.”

 

Cole nodded, knowing it was true. Josephine had lived this life as well, doomed to have to hide her relationship and love of another soul. 

 

“But you both have a life of such... _ wonder  _ before you.” Josephine stated, reaching for their hands and bringing them together. Gilbert’s skin was cold and his hands shook, but he grasped Cole’s fingers as if he’d been waiting to do so for years. 

 

“It won’t be without hardship. Without fear sometimes, as you are experiencing now. But if you stick together, and let others love you just as you are, you will be  _ alright.  _ I promise you.” 

 

“Cole,” Gilbert whispered, and Cole didn’t have time to say anything before the other boy was pulling him into a hug. 

 

Cole managed to hug him back, both of them freezing by now, and his heart began to beat normally again. The fear of losing Gilbert subsided and he felt himself smile. 

 

“We really need to stop trying to end this, eh?” Cole whispered, kissing Gilbert’s cheek as he pulled away. “It doesn’t want to stick.” 

 

“Deal.” Gilbert chuckled, looking back at Josephine. 

 

“Well, that settles that. Shall we go in for some breakfast?” The old woman smiled, motioning for them to walk ahead of her. 

 

**

 

“You’re looking a little rough this morning, Sebastian dear.” Josephine commented as everyone was finally seated, dishes of eggs and ham being placed in front of them with a fruit bowl in the middle. 

 

Cole’s stomach growled loudly as everyone giggled, looking at Bash’s sunken face and glossy eyes. 

 

“I’m just fine, Miss Barry.” Bash smiled, sipping a glass of water and wincing when the food was placed before him. 

 

Gilbert began eating next to Cole, his face brighter than it had been fifteen minutes ago. But he kept staring at Diana across the table as if at any moment she was going to jump up and announce to everyone what she saw. 

 

Anne was looking between Cole and Gilbert, a smile playing at the edges of her mouth. She caught Cole’s eye a few times and sighed, the way she did when she was picturing something lovely. He smiled back at her, and he knew she understood what was being exchanged between them. 

 

_ I accept you,  _ she was saying. 

 

_ Thank you,  _ he was replying. 

 

“I’m dreadfully sad that we have to leave you.” Anne said, looking over at Josephine with a pout on her face. 

 

“Me too, Anne. But you know that you are all welcome any time. I would love to see you all again soon.” Josephine nodded, reaching over and squeezing Bash’s hand. 

 

Gilbert giggled at the way Bash smiled, melting a little as he thanked Josephine. He said something about her being the best white woman in all of Canada and Cole loved how she threw her head back and laughed. 

 

**

 

Their bags were all packed and they were ready to leave for the train station. They took turns hugging Josephine and Cole ended up being last. As he pulled away, about to thank her for a lovely evening and her great hospitality, she pulled open his hand and dropped some coins into his palm. 

 

“The compensation your parents will be expecting.” She whispered, winking at him and pushing him by the small of his back before he could protest. 

 

“How did you…” 

 

“A little red-headed bird told me all about it.” Josephine said, waving at the others who had already walked down the steps and were heading into the carriage. 

 

“Thank you, Miss Barry. Again. I feel like I have so many things to thank you for. So much I’ve learned just from last night alone.” Cole sighed, finding it hard to leave her doorstep. The idea of going back to Avonlea and back to his parents was making his mood plummet. 

 

“Don’t thank me, Cole. This is what we do for family.” Josephine said sincerely. “And if things were to get any harder for you, please know there is a place for you here. A place you will always belong.” 

 

Cole noticed that the old woman was staring at his face, the bruises that still lingered and he felt his eyes water. What she was offering was too kind. Too good to be true. But yet he knew that she meant it. She meant every word. 

 

“Goodbye.” He said, knowing she would scold him for saying thank you again. She bowed her head as he turned and walked down the steps, rushing up into the carriage and sitting next to Gilbert. 

 

**

 

The train ride felt like it was taking forever. 

 

Cole was gazing out the window, tapping his hands and feet to a silent tune, trying to do anything but make eye contact with Diana; who unfortunately was sitting directly across from him. The morning conversation that he had overheard - her immediate hostility towards him, Gilbert and her aunt - still sat uneasily with him and he felt himself squirming every few minutes. He wasn’t looking at her but he felt as if she was staring at him, still judging him despite Anne’s warning to her. 

 

Gilbert was trying to hold a conversation with Anne about this week’s lessons, debating which of them was going to come out as top student. He wanted to enjoy the remaining time he had with Gilbert and the people he had been so excited to see yesterday, but he felt like the dynamic had changed. It was as if, now that the others all knew about him and Gilbert, they were treading lightly. 

 

They were treating them both as if they were fragile and Cole hated it. He knew he didn’t really have any reason to believe this - none of them had been outwardly rude. But he felt insecure about it until they reached their station. 

 

“You were quiet.” Gilbert whispered to him as they were gathering their belongings and heading out. 

 

“Yeah. Sorry.” 

 

“Don’t apologize. Today has been a lot. I feel it, too.” Gilbert sighed, squeezing the blonde-haired boy’s shoulder reassuringly before they got into another carriage and headed to their homes. 

 

Gilbert and Bash were first, the sight of their farm sending sparks of dread into Cole’s chest. He shifted his body a little closer to Gilbert’s, wanting to savour the last few moments of closeness; trying to cement everything that had happened to them since they set foot in Charlottetown. 

 

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Gilbert whispered as Bash climbed out, shivering from the cold and mumbling something about never going to feel warm again thanks to this country. 

 

“Okay.” Cole nodded, his throat tight. 

 

Gilbert’s cheeks were red as he gave Cole a quick hug, making a point of not looking right at Diana or Anne who sat and stared at them as they also said their goodbyes. 

 

As they began to pull away, the house getting smaller and smaller, Cole resigned himself to the fact that he would have to say something to the girls. They were chatting about something to themselves and he wanted to feel included. He wanted to stop overthinking everything. 

 

“Did you enjoy the party?” Cole asked when their was a natural lull in conversation. 

 

Anne and Diana looked at him, both of them seeming a little startled. 

 

“Why, yes. I did. We’ve been talking about it nonstop since we left Aunt Josephine’s.” Diana chuckled, frowning as she laughed. “Didn’t you hear us?” 

 

_ Oh, I heard you all right. I heard you just fine.  _

 

“No, sorry. My head has been elsewhere.” Cole cleared his throat, trying to smile. 

 

“Diana was saying her favourite part was the music. I was quite enraptured by it as well, but getting to read my poem aloud was simply divine! The words were so scrumptiously invigorating and when everyone cheered I could have just died of happiness!” Anne squealing, sighing contentedly as she shimmied closer to Diana. 

 

Cole smiled, unable to help the way Anne automatically put him into a better mood. They all fell silent for a moment, listening to the sound of the horse’s hooves crunching against the snow covered road. 

 

“What was your favourite part, Cole?” Diana enquired, eyebrows raised and a kind smile across her lips. “Was it the dancing?” 

 

Cole stared at her, back to feeling on edge in a second and he crossed his arms in front of his chest defensively. 

 

“Why would you assume that, Diana?” He snapped. 

 

“Oh, I…” Diana muttered, cheeks pinking up as she glanced at Anne - clearly lost for words. 

 

“I don’t think she was assuming.” Anne tried, glancing between them tensely. 

 

“I think she was. In fact, I  _ know  _ she was because I overheard your conversation this morning. I know you saw us together, Diana. Do you want to tell me to my face that I’m  _ unnatural  _ or should I assume, since we’re in the business of assuming, that that’s what you think every time you look at me?” Cole spat the words out, unable to help himself. 

 

Both of the girls stared at him, mouths open and eyes wide. Cole muscles were clenched and his fingers were white from how hard he was squeezing them against his chest. 

 

“I had no idea you heard.” Diana decided to whisper, looking away from him. 

 

“Well, I did.” 

 

“Cole, did you hear the end of our conversation as well?” Anne asked calmly. “The part when Diana said she wouldn’t tell anyone?” 

 

“I did. But that doesn’t change how she must think of me. Of Gilbert and Josephine. It’s written all over her face!” Cole exclaimed. 

 

“Please calm down, Cole.” Anne begged, reaching across and grasping his hand. He tried to shrug her off but she held on, eyes pleading with him. “I’m desperately sorry that you feel this way. I can’t take back the words that were said, but I can assure you that you are safe with us.” 

 

“You can’t speak for her.” Cole sniffered, hating that his eyes were full of tears. 

 

Diana suddenly reached for him as well, tears in her own eyes now, and she squeezed his other hand tightly. “Then hear me, Cole. I’m saying this to you now in complete truth. You are  _ safe _ with me. With Anne. With Aunt Josephine and Bash. I promise you.” 

 

Cole let her unwavering tone wash over him and he began to relax. As he looked at the girls in front of him, the people who had become an integral part of his world, he suddenly understood that they were both telling the truth. Even with Diana’s initial reservations, she cared about him more than anything she had been taught to think. And that meant she wouldn’t tell anyone else about him and Gilbert. 

 

“Thank you. I’m sorry I got so angry.” He said quietly, squeezing both their hands. 

 

“It’s okay.” Diana nodded. “I understand why you were hurt. And scared.” 

 

“We’re almost at your farm, Cole. Will you be alright?” Anne asked, gazing at the barn that was coming closer into view. 

 

“No.” Cole said honestly. “Going home is never okay. It’s never nice or fun. But I’ll manage it. Things with my parents have been a lot more bearable now that I have friends. And Gilbert.” 

 

They smiled at him despite the sadness in their eyes, and he let go of them, sitting back and preparing to get out of the carriage. 

 

“We’ll see you tomorrow.” Diana said as they came to a stop, wrapping her arms around his shoulders before he had a chance to reply. 

 

“Y-yeah. Tomorrow.” He stammered, letting go only to be hugged again by Anne this time. 

 

“You’re a true kindred spirit, Cole. I care about you deeply, okay? Nothing on this earth could come between us as friends for life.” 

 

Cole couldn’t help but chuckle a little, smiling at the red-headed girl as he got out and grabbed his bag; feeling the jingle of the coins in his pocket as he began walking towards his front door. 

  
  



	20. Change

“Blythe, will you stop walking around me like I’m going to suddenly smack you right in the face?” Bash suddenly said, his voice louder than normal and it made Gilbert flinch where he stood in the kitchen. 

 

He nearly dropped his plate of breakfast. 

 

“I...Sorry. I honestly don’t mean to.” 

 

It had been a month since Josephine Barry’s party and Gilbert had tried multiple times to relax around his friend. He knew Bash was okay with the fact that he and Gilbert were together but it was so hard to believe he hadn’t imagined it. They hadn’t exactly talked about it, but Bash was behaving as normal. Joking, discussing the farm, asking Gilbert about school. 

 

Bash had done nothing wrong, and yet Gilbert constantly walked on eggshells. 

 

“I know. I know. But, I’d like my friend back. I’d like you to talk to me like you used to on the ship.” Bash sighed, placing a hand on Gilbert’s shoulder. 

 

“I’ll try to, Bash. I promise.” Gilbert nodded, squeezing Bash’s hand before putting his boots on and heading to school. 

 

**

Gilbert had Cole pressed against the wall, hands wanting to strip him naked as he had in their room at the party. We wanted to feel skin against skin, take his time and lie down next to him; be close.

 

But he settled for placing kisses along Cole’s neck, hips snug against the other boys’, rocking back and forward. 

 

“Gil, slow down.  _ Please.”  _

 

The words made Gilbert stop entirely, bringing his face back up to look at Cole and make sure everything was okay. But when he saw how dilated Cole’s eyes were and the way his body was shaking, he understood what was happening. 

 

“Does it feel good?” He whispered, suddenly not caring that Miss Stacey could walk out at any minute if she wanted to. 

 

“Yeah. Too good. I don’t want to make a mess.” 

 

The words ruined Gilbert a little because that’s all he wanted to do now - make a mess of Cole and hear the sounds he knew the other boy could make. He wanted to make a mess of his own clothes too, and maybe this time actually feel it happen with his own hands. 

 

“I wish...I…” Gilbert tried to express, shaking his head and kissing the pulse point in Cole’s neck. 

 

“I know. I wish we could do that, too.” 

 

Gilbert pushed up closer as he placed soft kisses on the same strip of skin, wrapping his arms around Cole and sighing. 

 

“Maybe we’ll get another chance sometime soon. My parents have been slightly less strict since I brought home that money. And since Miss Stacey has given them good news about my studies every week.” 

 

“Yeah. But will they ever stop hating me?” Gilbert asked, catching Cole’s eye as he took a step back; mouth still wet from kissing. 

 

The question seemed to suck all the hope out of Cole’s heart because he crumpled a bit, sagged against the wall as he crossed his arms in front of him. 

 

“Probably not.” 

 

The door to Miss Stacey’s office suddenly opened and the sound of her shoes clicking across the floorboards made Gilbert hang his head. He knew he had ruined the mood between them and now they wouldn’t have any alone time until after school. 

 

Cole gave him one last look before sitting down at his desk, sighing as other students began to arrive. 

 

**

 

The day was passing as normal, fairly slow-going despite Miss Stacey’s exciting and hands-on lessons. They had just sat down to write what they had observed during a science lesson, when Gilbert’s eyes found their way to Cole; as they often did. 

 

He wasn’t thinking about anything in particular, except that Cole’s hair was slightly messy and therefore made him look even more adorable than usual. But then as Cole leaned down to grab his piece of chalk off the floor - shirt riding up - Gilbert’s eyes landed on a dark purple bruise that was splayed across what he could see of Cole’s lower back. 

 

Before Gilbert made a conscious decision to it, he was up on his feet; hands digging into the wood of his desk as he stood there, breathing heavily; eyes still fixed on Cole. 

 

Mostly everyone in the room turned to look at him. 

 

“Gilbert?” Miss Stacey asked, looking startled. “Is everything okay?” 

 

“No.” He blurted out, catching Cole’s eye. The blonde-haired boy frowned in confusion, shaking his head as if Gilbert was crazy. 

 

“What’s the matter, dear?” Miss Stacey asked, turning around from the blackboard to face him properly. 

 

“I have...to go.” Gilbert muttered, quickly packing up his things that were spread out on the desk. A few people were whispering around him, probably discussing what his problem was to their desk partner, but Gilbert didn’t care. 

 

Miss Stacey walked towards him, politely instructing the other students to stay on task and get back to their work. When she reached his desk, she put her hands on top of his - slowing his rapid movements. 

 

“Can you tell me what’s going on?” She asked, quiet enough that nobody else could hear. 

 

“I’m sorry, but I can’t. I just need to go and deal with something. I’ll come back before the end of the day.” 

 

Her face fell at his lack of explanation, but she nodded. “Would it help if Cole were to go with you?” 

 

“ _ No _ .” He said, too fast - too desperately. And also too loudly because now everyone was staring at him again. 

 

Anne had turned around from her side of the room and was frozen with her arms in mid-air, as if she was deciding what to do. As she if she was debating whether to stand up and come over to him or not. He shook his head at her, not wanting anyone else to come with him. 

 

He knew it was too dangerous. 

 

“All right. Be  _ careful _ .” Miss Stacey said, holding his gaze for a long second before heading back to the front of the schoolhouse. She must have sensed he was potentially doing something reckless, his actions too frenzied not to be suspicious. 

 

Gilbert walked to the coat room and had just put his coat on when Cole came sprinting around the corner, nearly knocking them both to the ground. 

 

“What are you doing?” Cole whispered, looking Gilbert up and down as if he was hurt. 

 

“Cole, please go back.” 

 

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.” 

 

Gilbert sighed, pulling Cole closer to the window and out of sight of the other students. When he was convinced they had a shred of privacy, he reached around and touched the spot on Cole’s back - unintentionally making the other boy flinch. 

 

“ _ That’s  _ what’s going on, Cole.” 

 

Cole’s eyes widened in fear as he took a step away from Gilbert, pulling his hand off of his back. 

 

“Gil,  _ please...”  _

 

“He isn’t getting away with it this time.” 

 

“You’re not going to my farm. This doesn’t matter, Gil.” Cole said, but the fear in his eyes gave Gilbert all the information he needed. 

 

Cole’s father was abusing him. He was suffering, and Gilbert wouldn’t stand for it. 

 

“Of course it matters. It’s the only thing that matters.” Gilbert said softly, resisting the overwhelming urge to pull Cole against him. 

 

“This isn’t something new. My father has done it a lot since he found out about me missing school. He thinks it’s going to make me remember not to lie again.” Cole said, the sudden casualness in his tone making Gilbert feel sick. “This bruise is just particularly bad.” 

 

“And you think that makes it  _ okay?”  _ Gilbert said, overwhelmed but trying to keep his voice down. 

 

“No, but I couldn’t bear it if he were to hurt you. Please don’t go there.” Cole said, tears in his eyes now as he reached for Gilbert’s hands; holding them tightly. 

 

Gilbert paused for a moment, not wanting to make Cole more upset. He relaxed his breathing, held on to Cole’s hands as well, and tried to think clearly about what to do. 

 

A large part of him wanted to go to the Mackenzie farm and beat Cole’s father bloody. He wanted the man to suffer as much as he’d been making Cole suffer, which apparently was a lot. Gilbert despised the idea that Cole had been enduring this for so much longer than he’d expressed, probably going to sleep each night in pain and feeling alone. 

 

Cole didn’t deserve that. 

 

But he also didn’t deserve Gilbert getting into trouble for attacking a man seemingly unprompted. It could ruin Gilbert’s prospects for a career as a doctor, probably saddle him with the label of troublemaker for the next decade; which he couldn’t afford. 

 

“Okay, fine. I won’t go to your farm. But you’re not going back, either.” Gilbert said, shaking his head. “I won’t let him hurt you anymore.” 

 

Cole looked out the window and said softly, “What other choice do I have?” 

 

Gilbert decided the risk was worth it. He moved his hand up to stroke along the milky skin of Cole’s jaw, relishing how it made the other boy close his eyes and lean into the touch. 

 

“You’re moving in with Josephine Barry. In Charlottetown.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovely people! 
> 
> I just wanted to say thanks for reading and to give you a head's up. This is the last chapter when we'll be seeing our characters as young teens. Starting next chapter, there is going to be a time jump to a few years later (when the boys are about 17-18). Just letting you know now so there isn't too much surprise. :) 
> 
> Also, since the boys will be older - the story is going to get a bit more mature in terms of explicitness. I know some of you are wanting that and have for a while, but if that's not your thing I think it's good to have a warning for it. 
> 
> Thanks again for your support with this story!


	21. Weekend Home

**Three Years Later**

 

Gilbert knocked briskly on the door of Josephine Barry’s house, straightening his collar and clutching his brown leather suitcase in his right hand. He only had to wait a minute before the door swung open and Rollings greeted him, smiling. 

 

“Good afternoon, Mr. Blythe.” 

 

“Hello, Rollings. Nice day, isn’t it?” Gilbert said, walking into the house. 

 

“Indeed. It’s nice to finally have some warmer days after this long winter.” 

 

Rollings took his jacket and was in the process of asking Gilbert if he wanted a drink, when someone came bounding down the front staircase - landing unceremoniously at their feet. 

 

“Gil!” Cole practically shouted, wrapping Gilbert in a tight hug before he could get any sort of words out. 

 

Gilbert laughed as he returned the hug, catching Rollings eye as the older man walked away; smiling to himself. 

 

“Hi, Cole. It’s nice to see you. Although, I don’t know why you’re so excited because I saw you just this morning.” He teased, leaning in to give Cole a quick kiss. He tasted of raspberry cordial. 

 

Cole was dressed as if he’d been mugged. His white shirt was unbuttoned from the top of his ribs down, untucked from his pants and exposing his chest. He also wasn’t wearing any shoes on his feet, and obviously hadn’t combed his hair. Gilbert might have been shocked if he were anyone else visiting, but this had become Cole’s normal lounging-around-the-house look when he wasn’t out or seeing people. 

 

“I can’t be happy you’re home?” 

 

“Sure you can. Even though this isn’t my home.” 

 

“It’s your weekend home!” Cole said cheerily, linking their arms and steering Gilbert towards the kitchen where dinner was being prepared. It all smelled deliciously inviting and Gilbert’s stomach growled. 

 

“Where’s Aunt Josephine?” 

 

“Lying down. She’s having one of her migraines.” Cole said, greeting several of the kitchen maids and the cook. “I asked Margaret to prepare a soup for her. It sometimes helps.” 

 

Margaret regarded them as they looked at the food - a beef stew with carrots and potatoes - her eyes slightly narrowed. She had been hired last year when the previous cook needed to take care of a family member. She was an older woman in her late forties, her dark auburn curls still held tightly to her head; not showing a hint of grey. She didn’t like small talk or any kind of “funny business” as she described it, which could be anything from laughter while cooking to Cole making silly jokes at the dinner table. 

 

Apparently she just didn’t like the idea of having fun. Gilbert wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he was quite scared of her. 

 

“Mr. MacKenzie, I would much appreciate some quiet time while I finish this meal. I don’t need you in here making a ruckus.” She snapped, adding a bit of salt to the stew that was bubbling over the stove. 

 

Her forehead was a tad sweaty from the heat of the kitchen and her hands were stained red from the cherries that she was in the process of turning into a pie. 

 

“I would never make a ruckus, Margaret. What kind of hooligan do you take me for?” Cole asked, feigning ignorance. He was always joking with her. Gilbert smiled awkwardly, trying to be as carefree as Cole was around her but as she glared at him with a straight face he quickly put his smile away. 

 

“We’ll get out of the way.” Gilbert said, pulling on Cole’s arm until he followed him out of the kitchen and towards the back staircase. 

 

“You need to relax around her. You act like she’s going to eat you alive.” Cole chuckled. 

 

“I’m not entirely convinced she won’t. And when she’s in the kitchen surrounded by a hot oven and lots of knives, I’m not risking it.” 

 

They climbed the stairs together, hands linked now, and headed into Cole’s bedroom. The door was ajar, a towel hanging from the top of it, and Gilbert couldn’t help but roll his eyes. 

 

“You’re so messy.” 

 

“I am not!” Cole protested, but then sheepishly looked around his room as they entered it. The surfaces were covered in paint brushes and unfinished canvases, half-empty glasses of cordial and water on the nightstand and desk. His bed wasn’t made, his window was wide open despite the chilly spring breeze, and he had several half-finished sculptures on various parts of the floor with clay dust surrounding them. 

 

And clothes were spilling out from his dresser and closet, his extra shoes at the foot of his bed instead of tucked neatly away somewhere. Gilbert managed to clear off the desk chair before sitting down and staring at Cole fondly. 

 

“Okay, so it’s  _ slightly  _ messy. But what else do you expect? I’m an artist. I need chaos!” 

 

“Right. How could I have forgotten?” Gilbert smiled, putting up a finger and gesturing for Cole to come closer to him. 

 

“Is there something you wanted?” Cole asked innocently, not moving an inch. 

 

“Maybe.” 

 

“And what’s that?” 

 

Gilbert pouted, knowing the face he put on always made Cole crumble. Within seconds, Cole was kneeling down next to him and leaning in for a proper kiss this time - one that lasted and one that Gilbert could feel all the way through his body. 

 

“How was your day today?” Cole asked sweetly, brushing some stray hairs away from Gilbert’s forehead. 

 

“Long, and there were many needles. But I didn’t faint.” 

 

Cole threw his hand back and laughed. “Well, that’s definitely an improvement.” 

 

“Dr. Ward said so too. We saw a lot of people for check ups. There’s been a bad flu going around now that spring is here.” Gilbert sighed, feeling the ache in his shoulders now that he was speaking about his long day. 

 

He’d taken a train into Charlottetown on Friday evening, had supper with Cole and Aunt Josephine and then spent all day Saturday and now today at Dr. Ward’s office - helping out and learning; preparing for medical school which he would be starting in the fall. He loved the work and Dr. Ward had proved to be an excellent mentor over the past two years and a half years, but the days were definitely exhausting. 

 

In a few short hours he was going to catch the last train back to Avonlea and help Bash out during the coming weekdays with the farm. This had been how he’d spent the last year since school ended, and he should have been used to the schedule of his life. But just the idea of facing another long week after already being tired made Gilbert want to lie down and sleep. 

 

“You look really tired, Gil. Are you all right?” Cole asked, standing up and walking over to the bed where Gilbert followed. 

 

They lied down on their sides to face each other, Gilbert smiling at the way Cole’s eyes shone in the late afternoon sunshine. As he looked at the boy he’d been in love with for three years, all the exhaustion didn’t matter anymore. 

 

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.” 

 

He was building towards a career that he enjoyed, just as Cole was in art school here in Charlottetown honing his craft. Their far-fetched dream of being a doctor and an artist was actually coming true, and the realization always took him by surprise. It always seemed too good to be true. 

 

“I got a letter from my mother today.” Cole said, and Gilbert didn’t miss the way his facial expression darkened. 

 

“What did she say?” Gilbert asked, putting a hand underneath Cole’s loose shirt and stroked the soft skin of his side in comfort. 

 

“My father is ill. She wants to know if I’ll send the doctor to go see him, but they don’t have money for it.” 

 

“What about the money Josephine sends them every month? That’s not enough to cover what Dr. Ward would be owed?” Gilbert asked, frowning. 

 

When Cole had first come to live with Aunt Josephine, she had decided she would send a small sum of money to Cole’s parents for the ‘labour’ they were losing since he wouldn’t be helping out on the farm. It had been enough to keep them away, and effectively end all contact with their son. It hurt in the beginning, the idea that Cole’s parents would rather have money than their own son, but it was also a relief. Cole didn’t have to worry about being followed and dragged back to Avonlea. 

 

Now that Cole was nearly eighteen, Josephine had written to Karen that payments would stop very soon. But that wouldn’t be for another two months, at least. 

 

“I guess they haven’t been spending the money properly.” Cole shrugged. 

 

Gilbert sighed, rubbing a hand over his tired face. “I know Dr. Ward is really busy this week. He might not be able to get out to Avonlea. But I could always stop by and look at him myself, if they don’t slam the door shut in my face.” 

 

“I’m not asking you to do that, Gil.” Cole said quietly, eyes wide with a tinge of fear. 

 

“I know. I’m offering.” 

 

Cole was quiet for a long few minutes before he said, “Okay. You can try, but if they’re rude to you in any way I’ll write back to my mother and say she needs to sort out her own problems.” 

 

“Okay. I’ll try and go tomorrow during lunch time. Bash always likes to have a long lunch, especially now that the winter is over and we can be outside.” 

 

“He still hasn’t gotten used to the winters here?” 

 

“No. Still hates them, still thinks they’re created by a snow devil.” Gilbert laughed, sitting up. “We should probably dress for dinner.” 

 

“Ugh. Clothes are so constricting though.” Cole whined, rolling around in the bed like a child having a tantrum. 

 

“I get that you’re an artist, but nobody living in a house like this gets to wear what you’re wearing to dinner. No way.” Gilbert tutted, pulling Cole back out of bed and onto his feet. 

 

“But don’t you like it when I don’t have very many clothes on?” Cole whispered, backing Gilbert up until his back hit the wall. 

 

He immediately felt his face heat up as Cole pressed against him, placing soft kisses on the side of his neck; hands creeping to unbutton his shirt. 

 

“Yes, but I’d prefer it if other people didn’t get to see you without clothes on.” Gilbert whispered, catching Cole’s mouth in a kiss that turned intense almost instantly. 

 

Cole had grown into his body over the years in a way that made Gilbert a little weak in the knees. He’d gotten even taller, his shoulders had broadened and despite sitting all the time to do his art, his arms were quite muscular; the abs in his stomach visible through tight clothes. Cole liked to take long walks and swim in the ocean during the summertime, the activity doing wonderous things for his stature. His hair was still the same dirty blonde, but he wore it a bit longer nowadays than he had when they first began to fall in love - days that Gilbert reminisced about frequently. 

 

Gilbert knew that Cole liked the way he looked now, too. He told him so often enough. But Gilbert felt inadequate compared to the beauty of Cole, the outright attractiveness of him. Girls noticed all the time when they walked through town together, giggling in groups as they walked by. Gilbert saw some of them look his way, but they were mostly focused on Cole. 

 

Gilbert couldn’t really blame them, either. 

 

Cole was already hard against him, moving his hips in a way that made Gilbert want to lock the door and not come out for several hours - have his complete way with him. Images of last night flashed in his head, both of them naked in bed; limbs wrapped around each other - Cole’s large, talented hands always getting Gilbert there so fast. 

 

“Cole, we have to stop.” 

 

“Why? I want you, Gil.” The other boy moaned against his lips, trying to shrug off Gilbert’s shirt. 

 

“We’re going to be called for dinner any second.” 

 

“Let me touch you until we’re called then.” Cole said, a devilish grin on his face as he finally got Gilbert’s shirt off - his mouth finding its way down his body. 

 

“You’re... _ evil.”  _ Gilbert groaned, thunking his head back against the wall. 

 

Cole didn’t say anything else, just kept kissing Gilbert’s naked chest; his hands holding his hips steady against the wall. Gilbert’s own hands were tangled in Cole’s already messy hair, trying to be good and not pull Cole down lower where he desperately wanted him. 

 

This wasn’t new between them, the heaviness of the desire they felt for each other. It had been there from the beginning. But back then they didn’t know what it meant to be with someone, to give yourself over in every way. They had wanted to express it, but didn’t really know how. Their kisses had been fumbled, their bodies ready for something they didn’t know how to give the other. 

 

Gilbert didn’t know that touching each other - actually putting their hands on each other’s bodies - would give him so much pleasure. He couldn’t have imagined Cole’s mouth on him, the way he felt against Gilbert’s naked body. It drove him into a frenzy some nights, biting his lips until they bled to keep all the noises he wanted to make inside his mouth. 

 

All week long in Avonlea, Gilbert laid in bed and thought of Cole. It was the same longing he’d always felt, but now that he knew what they could do - now that he knew  _ everything -  _ it was torture being away for so many days. When they finally saw each other, their nights were filled but nothing but this. 

 

Kisses and touches, desperation and fulfillment. 

 

It made Gilbert crazy. It made him fall more in love with this boy - this  _ man -  _ every time he laid eyes on him. He couldn’t imagine he would ever get enough. 

 

“You’re far away.” Cole whispered, coming back up to Gilbert’s eye level and looking at him closely. 

 

“No.” Gilbert shook his head, putting his hands on either side of Cole’s face and looking into the eyes he knew he wanted to spend his whole life seeing. “No, I’m here. I just...God, Cole. I’m so in love with you I can barely breathe.” 

 

**

 

After a quick supper with Aunt Josephine, Gilbert needed to head to the train station or he would miss his train. He hugged the older woman, telling her to go see Dr. Ward if her headache persisted into tomorrow, and she waved a hand across her face in dismissal. 

 

“I’m fine, dear boy. No need to fret over an old bat like me.” 

 

“Headaches that worsen could mean…” 

 

“Enough, enough. You’ll be a great doctor someday, but try not to look too much into things that aren’t important. Safe journey home, Gilbert. Say hello to young Anne with an ‘E’ for me, would you? And my dearest niece.” Josephine winked, walking slowly back into her house as she left Cole and Gilbert on the front porch. 

 

Cole never came with him to the train station to see him off. He always said it was too hard, just reminded him of the lonely five days ahead. So when Gilbert turned to hug him goodbye, Cole simply leaned forward and kissed his cheek. 

 

“No goodbyes. I’ll see you soon.” 

 

Gilbert laughed, shaking his head. “Okay. See you soon.” 

 

He turned and walked down to the carriage, waving back up at the big house and smiling as Cole waved back. 

 

Only five more days until he saw his favourite face again. Five more days. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi [here](http://photographer-of-thoughts.tumblr.com/) or [here](https://twitter.com/photographer_ot) <3 <3


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